Blades

24 (NEW)

Xamani groaned as she fell back into the couch. There in front of her lay the journal Tammy gave her and a pen Cherish gave her with her name inscribed on the side. Cherish ordered it for her in hopes to make "writing her feelings" better. It didn't do that. Xamani thought the idea of her name being written on a pen in cursive was "fye" but that didn't take away the fact that she still needed to write.

"Just start," Cherish had said.

That sounds easy, right? Well, it wasn't. Not for Xamani anyway. There were plenty of things that came to her mind but she couldn't get herself to write them down. She didn't know how to put them into words. This was because she was a perfectionist. Although she felt stupid about this journaling thing she didn't want it to sound stupid when she wrote, even if no one else would read it. She also didn't want to make any spelling errors because then that meant she'd have to scratch it out and the page would start looking all ugly.

She sighed in frustration at the constant thoughts. She just wanted her mind to shut up because she knew she was overthinking something stupid. She looks at Cherish who was sitting on the other couch right of her scrolling through her phone. Xamani wanted to get away from this journal.

"Cherish?" She calls.

"No."

Xamani smacks her teeth. "I needa use the bathroom. I'll be back." She gets up but Cherish gives her a look. and she slowly sits back down.

"Write something down first and then you can." Cherish made it clear that Xamani couldn't move from the couch until she wrote something and as much as Xamani groaned and smacked her teeth, you'd think Cherish would give in but she didn't, because she realized long ago that Xamani was one dramatic being.

"Broooo," Xamani whines.

See.

"Broooo nothing. You need to take this seriously."

"I'm tryin'! But it's hard when I don't know what to write down."

Cherish straight faces her. "How about why you cut?"

"You already know why I do dat."

"This is not for me, it's for you."

"I already know why I do it."

Cherish smacks her teeth. "Why do you cut?"

"You already know-"

"Why do you cut," she grits.

Xamani clenches her jaw. "...because it make ma thoughts shut u-"

"Write that."

Xamani bites her lip to refrain from going off. She wrote it down and then looks back at Cherish expectedly. She was still scrolling on her phone. "Hello?" Xamani calls. "Now what?"

"What do your thoughts say?" Cherish asks dully, her eyes never leaving her screen.

Xamani notices her tone and frowns. "Why you actin' like dat?"

"Like what?" Cherish responds blandly.

"Like I'm stupid or some."

"Because you're making this harder than it needs to be."

"Well, my bad if ion really undastand dis."

"There's nothing to understand. All you're writing is how you feel or even what's coming to your mind. Rather that be a dog jumping on a trampoline or your younger self eating cotton candy."