Blades

16 (New)

Flashback

            Xamani turns the corner, entering the cafeteria. It was one of the days when Tammy would let her out to get her own food.

            But she looks dead. Like she gave up on herself. Around her eyes were red, there were bags under them, and her hair was a mess; she had fallen into a growing pit of depression.

           It was loud in the commons but she easily tuned it out, ignoring the whispers and stares she got as she walked by. Unlike the others, she stood out because she looked like she belonged in a mental institution.

           She goes through the line and picks up the first thing she see's: An apple. She hadn't eaten in a few days and though she wasn't hungry, she still forced herself to come out and get something to put on her stomach.

           Once back in her "new" room, she closes her door, biting into the apple.

           "Yeah....I....crazy."

          Xamani stops chewing. Who was that?

            "Girl...I..." Xamani's head snaps to the vent near one wall. It was someone in the next room over. She crouches down next to it, taking another bite out of her apple.

           "You have nothing to be nervous about everyone here is very welcoming and nice. Except for one girl but you have nothing to worry about."

           That was Carleesa's voice.

           "H-How isn't she welcoming?" The scared newcomer asks.

          "She doesn't like anyone. She's a cold-hearted weirdo. And she's suicidal. I've heard she's broken someone's arm here. She would know," Carleesa says, referring to a third person in the room. "She's known her longer than I have."

           "Yeah, she is pretty closed off. A few mental problems if you ask me." Was that Ashton? It sounded just like her. "Just a week ago she was harming herself with something. Probably a knife. I couldn't believe it. I was so disgusted. If I were god and it was up to me, I would've went ahead and done the job for her. If you know what I mean."

           Carleesa laughs. "For real! That girl is all types of crazy-"

          Xamani's face is emotionless as she stands up and goes back to sit in her preferred corner. She didn't know Ashton could stoop so low, that wasn't like her. She never talked bad about anyone, not even the people that did her dirty and now all of a sudden she was bad-mouthing Xamani?

           Xamani pulls a blade from her pocket and begins to sharpen it with a pocket knife.

           That's what you get for letting her in.

           It's your fault you're hurting, not hers.

          She never wanted you around from the beginning and you knew that. You knew she'd leave one day but you stayed. You're so stupid.

            Stupid.

           Stupid.

          Stupid!

             Xamani's eyes fill with tears as she begins to aggressively sharpen the blade now. She was more than ready for her wave of painful euphoria and she was sure it was waiting on her.

---

          Blood slowly drips from her open wounds and she sighs in satisfaction, placing the blade back in her hoodie pocket. Her arms were filled with cuts from previous sessions so she went for her upper arms this session and it worked out just fine. She closes her already low eyes and hugs her knees. Her mind begins to roam and she started thinking about her new friend.

          Or so-called Friend.

          After their night of yelling at one another and Cherish confessing how much she wanted to get to know Xamani, Xamani seemed to have a change of heart despite how things left off before they went to sleep. She had woken up the next morning and apologized to Cherish for how she was treating the girl and admitted her wrongs. On the way back to the orphanage, Cherish promised Xamani that she'd come every day to check on her but guess what? It had went on two weeks and no sign of her. It was like she just up and left, breaking the promise she promised she'd never break. And Xamani fell for it.

          She's become vulnerable over these past few days. Ever since she vented to Cherish and cried in her arms, she's been feeling more emotional when it came to the thought of the girl. Not the crying emotional, but the small smiles that she knew would invade her face if she thought about her too long. It was that feeling of wanting to be in your best friend's presence and theirs only because you were the most comfortable with them, except they weren't best friends.

          All of this scared her but something about Cherish was pulling her in, despite this feeling of fearfulness. And a small part of her accepted it.

          And though she wanted to stay nonchalant about the whole situation, that small part of her was hoping deep down that Cherish actually didn't break her promise and would still come back to see her. Even if that day was years from now.

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