Blades

15 (New) Pt. 1

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          The day after the altercation, things actually seemed to...smooth over. But after an incident occurred, the next few weeks going further, Xamani ended up keeping the same energy from that night. She had become so nonchalant to the point Cherish got used to it, even accepted it. Cherish would stay in her lane and never pry at Xamani as she had promised.

         They've been going to her house mostly now because going any place else now would be a waste of money and time. If they did, it was because Cherish was attempting to cheer Xamani up. And though it always failed, it never stopped her from trying.

          Even at her house, she tried to find ways to make Xamani smile or even laugh and today was that day again. She was sitting in her living room, staring at the t.v. as she waited for the cookies in the oven to finish baking. She had bought the dough earlier today along with hot chocolate since it was beginning to get chilly outside.

        In the kitchen, there were huge marshmallows thrown onto the counter as well as whipped cream, and Halloween-themed sprinkles to scatter on top of the foam. Cherish didn't celebrate the holiday but she would do anything at this point to get Xamani out of this funk.

          Once the oven beeps, she takes the cookies out and places them on the counter to cool. Then, she turns on the eye to get some milk warming for the hot chocolate.

          "Xamani?" She calls throughout the house, "You alright?" She had become accustomed to checking on the girl throughout the day.

          As suspected, she gets no response back and makes her way to the hall. The bathroom light was spilling from underneath its door and she approaches it, knocking softly.

         "Xamani you alright?" She asks again. She hears quick shuffling before something falls with a tiny clink.

         She knocks again. "Aye, you good in there?" When she gets no response she opens the door, catching Xamani in the act of picking something up off the floor and stuffing it into her pocket. She had her black hoodie over her head, paired with black pants but no shoes, only white socks. Her head was down as she quickly slips past Cherish.

          Cherish follows behind her. "What were you doing?" She asks, softly.

        "Nothin'." Xamani mumbles.

         "Well, are you alright? Do you need anything?"

          "I'm fine," Xamani grits, entering Cherish's room. That's where she stayed most times when she came over. Cherish never minded.

          "O-Okay, I made some cookies if you want-" Xamani shuts the door in her face, "any..."

         The energy in the house instantly becomes depressing as Cherish stood there. She knew what Xamani had been doing in that bathroom. Xamani did it every time she came over. And to say it made Cherish sick to her stomach was an understatement. It made her want to actually throw up every time. Knowing that Xamani was harming herself and she couldn't do anything about it because she promised to stay in her lane. Promised to be respectful. Promised not to pry.

          She sighs before trudging to the kitchen and turning off the stove. She throws the cookies out before pouring the milk down the drain. It was no use.

         The next day, she woke up on the couch. She had fallen asleep sitting upright. She rubs her eyes before heading to the kitchen for a glass of water. She was parched. Xamani was in there, eating a bowl of cereal at the table with her head hung low, that hood still on.

         "Hey, Xamani. You good?" Cherish asks, sleep still in her voice.

         Xamani peers up before going back to her cereal. "Yeah," she mumbles.

         Cherish notices the cut starting underneath her eye and ending at the end of her mouth but chooses not to say anything. Instead, she gripped the cup on the counter as she filled it with water.

        She never thought Xamani would let a blade get close to her face. But she was wrong. And the more she thought about it, the more upset she got with herself. She was letting this 16-year-old girl harm herself in her presence and chose to do nothing about it. She was letting this girl throw her life away because she didn't want to break a stupid promise. She suddenly slams the jug of water onto the counter with a clenched jaw. This was all her fault.

        If only she had done something the moment she found out Xamani liked to slit. Now, because of her actions, the girl was all cut up and they were walking around as if everything was fine.

         Cherish looks back at Xamani who hadn't even acknowledged the sudden noise made by the plastic jug. Her face was still hiding behind her hoodie but Cherish could tell she was sad. She could feel it and it made her feel even more responsible for making Xamani feel better. She walks over to her and sits down across from her. She watches her eat for a few seconds before she speaks.

         "Xamani?" She calls out. "I know I said I'd respect you and your ways but I can't anymore. I care too much for you and it's hurting me to see you like this. I told you I wanted to help you. I want to see you doing better. And not for me, but for yourself."

        She pauses, trying to decide her next words.

         "We don't have to be friends, alright? Just let me help you, please. After I help you, you can cut all ties with me. Forget about me I don't care. Just let me do this." She reaches for Xamani, laying her palm face-up on the table. "Let me be there for you."

         She saw Xamani's eyes train to her hand and stare at it for a moment before they slowly made their way to Cherish's face. Cherish had this pleading look on it. Her eyes held anticipation, frustration, and fear. Fear because she knew there was a chance Xamani still wouldn't allow her in and would instead stay in her harmful ways.

          Xamani had noticed Cherish's attempts at caring for her these past few weeks, she just chose to ignore it. Because she knew she'd get attached sooner or later.

        Unlike Cherish, she had a funny way of showing that she cared. She'd never tell you she loved you, nor would she directly show it.

         Instead, she'd become overprotective and go at anyone's throat who even looked like they came to bother or disrupt your peace. That's why she got rude with Carleesa the first day they met. Because deep down, she thought Carleesa would disturb Ashton's mental in some way.

        But why couldn't Ashton see that?

        Because the way Xamani loves isn't normal. It's just a bunch of confusing mumble jumble that ends up distancing her from the people closest.

          She was also the jealous type. She didn't want anyone to be around her best friend but her. Because it was her best friend. In her eyes, if you had a best friend then you shouldn't need any more friends because that best friend is someone who could care for you so much better than multiple people combined.

           She stares into Cherish's eyes before looking at her hand again. Cherish was giving her that chance to start over and try again. To start fresh and build something new. But if she gave in, would she go through the same thing she did with Ashton?

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