Unhinged √

25.

      Travis Harden has always been an enigma for me. When we first met, he was confident but amidst that was a cloud of doubt. He knew who he was, the flyest boy on earth with a knack for nature, who sees people and plays occasional basketball.

He really just wanted to have a good time and be happy but there was always this look he got at the height of his joy like he knew he didn't deserve it. Travis likes to blame himself for a lot of things, especially the ones he has no control over, like his sexuality and his mom's death or a car he can't fix.

"Are you just going to keep staring at the ceiling? It's Italian artistry. Meghan says there are hardly any signs that I have Italian ancestry".

"That's because your blonde ass is white as shit". I tell Zayn before really looking at the ceiling. It looks like the usual fancy ceiling to me but if Meghan Summers says it's some sort of Italian gem then so be it.

"Shit ain't white". I just roll my eyes as he takes a seat on the arm of his sofa where my head is leaned.

"You are still getting the silent treatment from Travis?"

"Nah". He sighs.

"Well, are you going to tell me what's going on?" His frustration will always be amusing, even when I don't have it in me to smile.

"He asked that Ingrid keep the baby".

"Ehm. That's good right? Isn't it?" He peers into my eyes and I swat him away but he still maintains his seat next to my face.

"Do you not want the baby?" I sigh and close my eyes, taking a break from the ceiling.

"I don't know". Zayn stays quiet as he has learnt to in the past years. "Is it even mine to want? Ingrid is the one who is going to have to carry it for months and deliver it. What if she doesn't want that? She ready said she wasn't ready".

"No one is ever ready to be a parent. You think you are, then you have one and you realize you don't know how to change a diaper. You don't even know how to hold him".

From this position, my view of his face is upside down but I can still see the fond smile.

"And Jake, all of these is about what you want".

"What if what I want isn't right for everyone?"

"Sometimes there is no right or wrong, there is just what you choose and its consequences".

"Did Lauren tell you that?" I tease and he scoffs.

"She's not that insightful". I cast him a look until he caves. "Fine. Meghan told me".

"Ah, that wise woman. What would have become of you if she didn't come into your life?"

"Probably heading some gang. Dead or in prison". I nod in affirmation because all those options are very likely but what I don't tell him is that I believe he'd have gotten his life together without Meghan. She just made it happen a lot faster.

"So. What are you going to do?" His voice is small and it makes me nervous because I still have no idea on how to fix things.

"I don't know. All of this just feels like a bad dream, I don't know how I got here. And Travis he_ he's different. Today he showed me this whole new side of vulnerability and I didn't know what to do or say".

"It's just insecurity". Zayn says with a calm that surprises me a bit and I sit upright so I am facing him. "It's what happens when someone cheats on you. You feel like you are not enough". He speaks with unexpected understanding because as far as I know, he has never been cheated on.