Unhinged √

12.

Heavy hearts like heavy clouds in the sky, are best relieved by the letting of a little water.
- Chris Morley

      Hugs. They were among a few other things I liked like skateboarding, cotton candy, sappy romcoms, cuddles and forehead kisses. Things I was never going to admit to anyone but Jake knew I loved them, just as he knew almost every other single thing about me.

When I kissed him the second time, I had expected him to push me away and storm off in a fit of rage. I hadn't expected him to kiss me back even for a second, I hadn't expected him to hug me tight and let me cry unto his shoulder.

I had no idea how long we stood there with me in his arms, bawling like a child. He eventually guided us to the bed, scooted up so his back was against the wall then opened his arms for me to shuffle in and I did, shamelessly.

We stayed like that till the sky turned orange outside, with him running a finger through my hair like he sometimes did in the past, while humming a very annoying tune that eventually made me smile because it reminded me of a time when he had sworn he was into jazz and changed his ringtone everyday to a new song.

It had lasted for two weeks before he was back to Beyonce.
I let out a tiny chuckle that made him look down at me.

"I'm hilarious, I know". He said and I laughed.
"Remember when your mom caught you trying to get a picture of yourself in a bikini to send to me?" I asked and he frowned.
"Still the most awkward moment of my life".
"I bet she thought you were hilarious".

"Yeah, she laughed so hard she didn't realize when she dialed the therapist".
I was the one laughing hard now while Jake tried to hide a smile.
"Why did you even have a bikini?"
"Zayn got it for me".
"Why would Zayn get you a bikini?"

"It's just something we do, we get each other silly gifts for our birthdays".
I used to be so envious of their friendship, it always seemed like Jake would do anything for his best friend.
Jake removed his arms from around me and I sat up to face him.

"Travis, we can't be like this". He said quietly and I nodded.
"The kiss, you can't keep using me like this. I can't do this hot and cold anymore, I can't be your secret".
"I know". I ran my hands through my face to avoid looking at him for two seconds.

"I know, I'm sorry. I just, I'm messed up".
He looked up at me expectantly and I sighed.
"I saw my father". He took a while to come to it but when he did, he scooted closer to me.
"Travis, oh my God. Where?"
"He owns the garage". His mouth hung open for a while.

"That's messed up". He finally said and I laughed.
Jake knew about my father, how he had left six children without batting and eye, with no warning and definitely, without a cent. I hated the man, Jake knew this too.
"Typical of my life. I'm sorry Janice called you, you didn't have to come". He leaned back on the wall.

"She actually called Albie, it was him who called me since he was stuck at work".
He suddenly got out of the bed but not before I saw the look that crossed his face. Guilt.
I had made him cheat on someone else, again.
"I should go". He said as he straightened his clothes, then walked to the door.

"I'm sorry about your dad. I wish there was something I could do". For a second I saw the pain in his eyes. He wanted to be there for me, even when I pushed him away but like most things with us that felt right, he knew it was wrong.

He was with someone else and I was never going to be what he needed me to be. He shut the door behind him and I felt it in my heart because I knew that once again, I was hurting him.

  

    *

      By the time morning came, I was unrested and unmotivated. I felt stiff, mind and body after spending the entire night trying not to think of why I loathed my father. I couldn't remember his face quite well but the things he had done to us, to our mother, his actions that had set us down the rocky path that became our lives I remembered vividly.

I rolled my ass into the garage a couple minutes late and despite my crappy mood, didn't fail to notice the dull frown etched on Janice's face.
"Hey J". She looked up at me, trying on a smile that just didn't fit.
"Travis. What's up?"
"I should be asking you that. What's got your face so rumpled?"

"Nothing. I just want the summer to be over so I can run off to college".
I had a feeling there was something she wasn't telling me but I didn't have the energy to pry and the bags below her eyes told me she didn't need to be bothered any more than I needed to be.

"Just a month left". I said and moved to get to work but she called me back.
"Look, I just want to say that I don't give a fuck about whatever it is that's going on with you and Murphy. He's my family but you are my gee and you don't disrespect inappropriately". I smiled at the absurdity of that statement.

I knew that and outburst like that wasn't going to stay in the garage, I just didn't know what spices they might have added to it.
"Appreciate it". I said and she nodded, a grin coming to grace her face.
"But if you ever wanna spill the tea? You have to tell me first".

"Who else was I gon' tell? Kazeem?" She laughed and returned to her phone, permitting me to get to work.
Everyone had already arrived for their shift the chatter died down a reasonable amount when I stepped into the backroom. They were all working except Kazeem and Luke who were idling with a bottle of beer each.

They all stared at me for a while.
"Hey bro". Luke finally said.
"Hey". I replied.
"You good?" Kazeem gave me a look I couldn't interpret and I nodded before proceeding to change into my work clothes that I had managed to dry clean some time last night.

I knew they had questions but they all tried to act normal which wasn't easy for me since Kazeem spent all day talking about how hard a worker Murphy was, what a great man he was and how amazing a father he was to him and Janice.

"So, this guy wrecked my bike, totaled the whole thing and gave me a black eye too". He was telling Luke and some of the guys another of his stories were Murphy eventually swoops in as the hero and saves the day.

"Murphy tracked him down, brought him to our house and held him down while I gave him a black eye, knocked out a couple teeth too. He couldn't afford a new one then so he spent days fixing up my old bike".
Some of the guys nodded in approval but my eyes stayed on Kazeem who was giving me a death glare.

"I used to miss my pops so much when I was little, I thought I was gon' end up on the streets or in jail but Murphy gave me a life. He's my father, I won't take any insults to him".
I was speaking before I knew it, fists curling and legs carrying me to the group of guys who should have been working instead of listening to crap stories.

"I used to miss my pops too when I was little but unlike yours, mine wasn't dead, he chose to leave. You've always had your mom right? My siblings and I didn't, because of him. So while he was here being your hero, we was there on the streets, in jail. I don't care if he is your god but that man ain't getting an ounce of respect from me, he doesn't deserve it".

The place was quiet and all eyes were on me, watching me seethe. We still had a few more hours to go but I needed to get out, besides, it would be best if I started looking for a new job.

--------------------------------------------------
Aww, my poor baby😪
I hope you guys are enjoying so far. Talk to me.

See you Monday!