Unhinged √

13.

The greater the love, the greater the loss.
- Brad Pitt

The beach was crowded but the little mountain at its far end was as desolate as an old lady's cunt. It was at its peak that I lodged, overlooking the sea and shirtless guys trying to catch a wave.

I loved nature, loved to go on a hike, loved to garden and watch the stars at night and I let myself forget all that but sitting on that mountain brought them back. It brought back memories of nights spent on our back porch with Pokello, sipping whiskey and laughing at how stupid it was to name stars.

Of how Tyler would call me a mom for growing roses and tomatoes and how I piggybacked Meghan up my favorite hiking trail, the one Jake had showed me. Sitting there, breathing in the crisp air from the salt water, fighting off the unpleasant memories and letting in the good, I didn't hold back the tears.

I let them flow because nobody could see me being weak.

     My phone ringing in my pants pocket took me out of my head and when I saw my sister's name on the screen, I wiped my eyes like I had already been caught.
"Hey Kello". I said, pleased with the normalcy of my voice.

"Is it true? Did you see him?" I sighed. It was a given that Jake would tell her.
"Yeah".
"In what universe does shit like this happen? I mean of all places".
"In our universe, apparently".
There was a slight pause.

"You are sure it's him?" She asked and I understood why. She had been only seven when he left and I was nine.
"It's him. I've known him for two years now and we've barely spoken up to six times but the second he said he was the one, I just knew. He called me little cub, I got so mad".

"Rightly so. God knows I'd have sucker punched him". I chuckled because I knew she would have, she was just as hotheaded and didn't bother to restrain herself.
"Are you okay? You know I never want to set eyes on that hobo ever again but if you need me to, I'll be there tomorrow".

I felt the tears rush out again and struggled to hold back a sob.
"I'm fine sis. It's just our deadbeat dad, I can handle him".
"You shouldn't have to. You've been through too much already. You don't deserve this".

Her voice was angry but somehow still compassionate, like our mother's.
"You know I do".
"You did one thing wrong, it doesn't mean you have to suffer for the rest of your life".
"It wasn't just one thing Kello, you know that".

"Come back, you can stay with Newt and I".
Newt was her boyfriend of over three years and a cousin of Meghan's. No matter where I turned, there was always going to be someone I had hurt in a way.
"You are both students, I can't live off of your sweat".

"I don't even work, you know Trevor had enough money saved up for my college expenses".
The mention of my older brother's name still caused my heart to ache.
"Did you tell him?" Her hesitation gave her away.

"What did he say?"
"Nothing, he never says anything, you know that".
No, he just never talked when he needed to.
"Take care of yourself, Kello". I ended the call just before the sobs shook through my body.

Even thousands of miles away and despite everything I had done, my sister still worried for me. She was ready to board a flight out to she a man she hates just for my sake. I wished I could be that good of a sibling but all I did was take and hurt.