Unhinged √

5.

We all must stand alone against our demons
- Klaus Mikaelson

        I wasn't the smartest of my siblings and my friends called me a dumb rock but when I turned sixteen, it became obvious even to my demented self that I wasn't like the other guys in my hood.

Sure, I could ball, roll up a joint and didn't mind a little trouble but I didn't stare at girls in bikinis as much as I stared at shirtless guys, I didn't understand the hype about boobs and when I scored hoops with the guys, their thinly clad butts fed too much to my imagination.

I didn't give much thought to it but I saw how the less masculine guys in the hood were treated, they got shoved around and called faggots and I wondered what my friends would do if they found out that I did more than envy their abs.

It still didn't bother me much, it's not like I didn't like girls, I thought they were pretty but I wasn't hooking up with them as much as the other boys were doing.

      I tried to convince myself it was a phase, that a little exploration wouldn't hurt, just to clear things up. Finding a platform to explore wasn't hard but it wasn't much of a help. All the guys I chatted up were chill, like normal people, once I told them I wasn't interested in anything aside getting to know them.

To be fair, I wasn't very open to the experiment but my little attraction to dudes wasn't going away. I was beginning to get less interested in girls and as I realized that I had never really had any interest, raw hatred began to brew in me not for anyone but myself.

I was gay, I knew it in my heart but I'd never voice it out. I had let it happen and I couldn't seem to help it. I felt like a traitor because mama had brought me up with the Bible and while I had to do some sinful things to survive, I didn't have to be that.

I was going to fight it, people got cravings all the time that they ignored but I met someone I couldn't ignore, Jake fucking Levinson.

*

    I wasn't ever prepared to see Jake Levinson and for the first time, I could tell he wasn't prepared either. He looked at me like a puppy that landed on his doorstep, with uncertainty and warmth that he couldn't help.
"Travis". He breathed and I felt myself shiver.

"Travis, this is my boyfriend Jake". Albert said, his statement seeming to jolt Jake back to reality.
"Travis knows me, at least I hope he still does". The warmth was gone and for the first time since I met him, I couldn't read his expression, it was blank.

"I know you Jake". I wasn't sure I did anymore.
"Really? How?" Albert asked.
"We grew up in the same town". I answered since Jake was still giving me a blank stare that made my skin crawl.

"Wow, what are the odds? Have a seat Travis and give me all the goof stories". He was flaunting one of those smiles now and all it did was annoy me.
Of course Jake had a boyfriend, he was out and deserved to be proud.

"I don't know man, we weren't close". An emotion finally crossed Jake's face and he scoffed, reoccupying his seat.
"You know what, I'm just gonna run along and let you two enjoy each other". Albert looked at me like I punctured his heart.

"Yeah, run. You're pretty good at that". Jake's words shouldn't have hurt me but they were true.
"Is there something I'm missing?" Albert looked between us with curious eyes.
"You miss a lot of things, babe". Jake said, stressing the last word with a smile that didn't quite reach the eyes he had trained on me.