Unhinged √

4.

   Depression is the inability to construct a future.
- Rollo May

          There were two McDonalds where I grew up but we liked to hang in the one at the middle of the town, the more frequented one where we could blend in but there was no blending in for the guy who was seated across the table from me.

His large head was a perfect fit for his broad shoulders, he wore the largest shirts but they did little to hide the toned muscles beneath. His hulk-like legs were bumping against mine but all I could concentrate on was his face.

His happy eyes, the color of healthy leaves. He was on one his animated rants, lips moving like a speed train, nose crunching and straightening, hands demonstrating.

"Trav? You listening to me at all?"
I had only caught those words because of the frown forming on his face.
"Yeah. Weren't you talking about enrolling in the army?"
He slumped in his booth and kicked my foot.
"Twerp".

We were supposed to be taking his mind off football and scouts but that was as impossible as him going unnoticed in a room. He loved football, even when it hurt him. I saw his face light up before he leaned forward again.

"You'd miss me right? You'd miss me if I left". His hopeful eyes gleamed at me. I always wondered how someone so big and strong could be such a baby.
I didn't get to respond because a couple of guys from my hood walked in and he noticed them before I did, his cheerfulness giving way for discomfort.

They weren't supposed to be here, they belonged on the other side of the tracks, so did I. I saw Kevin see us, we were hard to miss, his eyes narrowed and as soon as he began walking towards us, the other guys followed.

"Travis. Fancy seeing you here". His eyes weren't on me though. Kevin wasn't my friend but he was a pal of twins, an old one. Looking out for me was far from it, he just liked to have his nose in everyone's business.
"The same for you, Kev".
"Whatcha doing?"

"Ehm, we were just hanging but I've got to leave, you can have my seat". He was up before he finished speaking and held my eyes for a while.
"Later?" He asked and I nodded firmly.
We all watched him walk to the door before Kevin plopped down on the vacant seat.

"You 'hanging out' with his likes now?"
"Yeah Trav. I see you both around town a couple of times now". King, Kev's rightie piped in.
"We just hanging, he's cool". I picked up my forgotten smoothie.
"I don't know bruh, I just don't like his perfect white ass. Smiles too much for a man".

I couldn't dispute that. I looked out the window as he got into his car and struggled to hide a smile of my own because I knew I'd miss him if he left. I already missed him.

*

     The weekend was a blur, there was nothing to assure me that it even existed except the heaviness I felt on Monday morning from doing nothing. Kazeem had dropped by Friday night with all the things I needed for company throughout the weekend.

There had been a time in my life when I tried to resist the urge but I walked away from it, from hope and everything that could be dragged down with me. I knew I was on free fall but there was no reason to stop it. Mama would've wanted me to fight that is why sometimes I tried, she hated cliches, no way was I becoming one.

I checked my phone for the time in days, there were a few texts from an unknown number that was Monique, I deleted them once I realized they were from her. They were a couple from Kazeem and Luke and one from Pokello, it had been sent five minutes earlier.