Infatuated

18. Too Little Too Late

One week later

     I had talked to Zayn once this past week. Once. Truthfully, I missed him like crazy. Thankfully though, I had the girls and our album promotion to focus on. The only thing that really made me miss Zayn was going out with Jay. It just constantly reminded me that Zayn wasn't here with me like I wanted, like I craved. I had deemed Jay as a friend now, nothing more. He was tolerable and that was all that mattered. He and I had gone out a few more times; magazines, papers and the Internet were still up in a craze over us. I really wasn't used to this; being in the spotlight and all. I wouldn't say it was bad, but it wasn't the type of spotlight I wanted. Media about me should really not be about me, it should be about Little Mix. I understood that this whole relationship thing was doing both bands a favour for publicity, but I just don't think it's the right way to gain it.

     "And my heart won't beat again, if I can't feel him in my veins. No need to question, I already know." Jade sang as we rehearsed with our vocal coach. We were released our second single 'DNA' a few days ago and we were going to be performing it on X Factor tonight. "Okay I think we're done here for now. See you guys in the afternoon." Our vocal coach said as she excused us. "Perrie are you up for Nandos?" Jesy asked as we all got ready to leave. "I- actually, well Jay's giving me a ride somewhere. He wanted to hang out." I said, unsure of how to break it to the girls that I was ditching them once again. I knew the girls didn't approve of Jay. "Did management set up another date?" Leigh asked, pouting slightly. I knew they missed me. For the last half year, if I wasn't with Zayn, I was now with Jay. I barely spent time with them outside of rehearsals and events. "Erm no...he wanted us to just hang out as friends. I promise he doesn't have any ulterior motives." I joked, trying to lighten the slight tension. "Yeah well, have fun then Pez." Jesy said as they began to walk out. I couldn't really tell if it was sarcasm or not. I sighed as they left, muttering a 'bye.' I followed in suit after a minute or so, heading to Jay's awaiting car. "Hey you." He greeted as he started the engine. He noticed my sad expression, "What's wrong?" He asked, full concern shown on his face. "Just..." I looked down at my hands, "I feel like I'm growing distant with everyone...especially the girls." I confessed, not letting my eyes meet up with his. "They understand...it's only for a short period of time anyways." He tried to comfort me. "Four months is not short, Jay. It's only been two and a half weeks." I snapped. "Geez...sorry." He said as he began to drive. "Where are we going anyways?" I said coldly. "Skating." He said, looking forward at the road. "Skating?!" I exclaimed, baffled. "It's winter and I thought it was something that could get us to know each other better." He defended himself. "Just because it's winter doesn't mean that it's mandatory to skate. And I've spent pretty much every day with you for the last two weeks, I'm pretty sure I know everything about you already." I protested. "Hey hey hey, why are you so against it? Can you not skate or something?" He asked, a pure glint of tease in his eyes, waiting for my answer so he could mock me. "Of course I can...I'm just not good at it and will probably fall a million times." I muttered. "Don't worry, I'll catch you if you fall." He said with a wink. I didn't know if that sentence had a double meaning or not.

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     "Why did you bring me here I am going to kill you!" I threatened as I clinged on to Jay for dear life as we hit the ice. I haven't skated in years, hence why I didn't like skating and wasn't good at it. There were only about six other people in the ice rink so I supposed if I fell it wouldn't be that embarrassing. "Are you going to let go of me or are we going to stay in the same position for five hours?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me. "Fine." I said, letting go of his arm slowly, steadying myself. "Let's skate." He grinned as he pulled my hand, pulling me forward. "Oh my god Jay no!" I screamed; if he wasn't holding on to me I probably would have fell. "Stop screaming, come on, I'll teach you how to skate." He chuckled. "I know how to skate." I scowled. "Oh really?" He questioned as he loosened his grip on me. I panicked, "No I don't! Teach me please!" I yelped. He grinned in success. He let go of me abruptly, skating a few metres in front of me. If I hadn't balanced myself, I probably would have fallen. "Skate to me." He demanded. "Excuse me!?" I exclaimed. Was he crazy? "You said you knew how to skate, you just need to get used to the ice. And I'm the motivation." He said cheekily. "You are not a motivation! I want to leave, take me out of here." I demanded. "Get yourself out of here." He grinned as he began to skate away. "No!" I protested and did what I didn't want to do. I set my right foot out, putting pressure forward, slowly advancing as I did so with my left foot. Repeating the process over again, I progressed forward. I was so settled in on my own movement that I hadn't heard him skate back over to me. "Oi you turtle!" He shouted in front of me. I screamed and tripped, startled. I fell into his arms instead of hitting the ice face forward, thank god. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." He whispered as I felt his warm breath against my cold face. Our faces were so close together, I felt the urge to close the distance between us. "I guess that's what I get for being a turtle." I whispered back. "A cute turtle." He responded. His eyes were deeply locked with mine; I had never noticed how beautiful they were. They were the equivalent of a starry night out, just absolutely mesmerizing. As he began to lean in, my mind filled with thoughts. Half of me was saying to back away now, and the other half of me was to say go for it. I turned my face as his lips neared mine, "I'm sorry, I can't." I said softly as I looked back into his eyes after he retreated. "Yeah. I understand." He replied, clear hurt in his eyes. "Take me back?" I asked timidly as I reverted my eyes from his. He nodded as he held my hand, guiding the way out of the rink.

An hour later

     It was wrong, and I knew it. That's why I had stopped it. I did the right thing, so why did I feel like I regretted it? I laid on my bed, sprawled out as I stared at the ceiling thinking. I didn't know if I was falling for Jay after only two weeks. Then again it only took about thirty seconds for me to fall for Zayn. Zayn. He was the reason why this was wrong. I hated myself for letting myself almost cheat on him. I hadn't heard from Zayn yet, I assumed he was busy with the tour. I wondered if he missed me as I much as I missed him...the guilt filled me again as I thought about Jay. I needed to clear my mind, no Jay, no Zayn, just Little Mix.

3 hours later

     After our performance on X Factor, everyone was buzzing, as was I. It was so emotional to be back on the stage after a year. It was hard to think that it was where we came from, where I found four sisters that I loved with all my heart; where I basically met Zayn. I could not have been more thankful for X Factor. Jade and Jesy were going out on a double date now, and Leigh was off to clubbing. I guess I was on my own for the night. It was good I guess, I think I was coming down with some flu or something anyways.

     Sam and Jade dropped me off back at our flat, saying bye to them as they headed for Jordan's to have a night out. Two couples happily in love, why did my love life have to be so complicated? I sighed as I set my purse down on the sofa and headed into the bathroom for a shower. All I wanted as to put on my onesie, cuddle up with a pillow on the sofa and watch The Notebook.

     "Pez I ordered pizza and said the wrong address so now I've ordered two pizzas. One's coming your way and one's coming here so you're welcome. Just thought I'd let you know! xx" Jade texted me as I got out from my hour long shower. Oh yay, add pizza on to my night alone. I popped in the DVD for The Notebook as the doorbell rang. Must be the pizza guy. I grabbed some money from my wallet and walked over to the door. As I opened it, it didn't reveal a pizza guy, it revealed Jay. "I wanted to talk." He explained as he took his hands out of his pockets. I sighed, "Come in." I said as I opened the door wider and shut it, not bothering to lock it. I planned to talk to him and shoo him off within two minutes. I just wanted a night alone. We settled on the sofa as I turned to look at him. "What did you want to talk about?" I asked, slightly annoyed that he interrupted my night. All I wanted was to mourn and cry over movies. "Earlier today..." He said. "Jay it was nothing. I fell, you caught me like you promised you would." I stated. He shook his head, "That wasn't what happened as you know it." He said, staring straight into my eyes. "Jay, come on. I love Zayn and you know that. There is nothing going on between you and I." I tried to reason. "Just, can we kiss once, for real…I just want to see if I- we, feel anything. If I don't, I promise I'll go and the next three months will be purely just me being your fake boyfriend." He requested, his eyes pleading. I shut my eyes, mentally killing myself for saying what I was about to say. "Okay. One kiss." I agreed. "One kiss." He repeated as he nodded as he began to lean in. I wanted to back out, but secretly I wanted to test it out too. Did I really feel sparks when I first kissed him in Topshop, or was it a onetime thing?

     I felt his soft lips on mine, remembering the taste of him the first time we kissed. It was still sweet, and yes, the sparks were still there. I felt as if it magnified, and as it did, I suddenly wanted more. The kiss deepened, his hand placed on the small of my back, pulling me closer to him without breaking our kiss apart. "Your favourite pizza guy is here for Perrie Louise Edwards!" A cheerful, familiar, Bradford male accent rang through to the living room. Footsteps neared before I could break away from Jay. The soft thudding of footsteps stopped abruptly. It was too late. He had seen.

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Author's note: I wonder who some dude with a Bradford accent could be...ha. Vote, fan, comment with your thoughts on this fanfic so far! I want to know. Thanks :D x