Infatuated

10. Stunned

A month later, X Factor tour is over

     I didn’t text Zayn back, not the day after, the week after, not even the month after. It wasn’t like I could any way; I had broken the screen of my phone when I threw it against the wall. Whatever the issue, I had no desire to talk to him. He didn’t know the truth, yet he was the one that lashed out and turned the truth around into something ugly. I didn’t keep tabs on One Direction news, I could care less what they were doing over there in America, however many girls Zayn was shagging. I didn’t care. I had gone out with Adam a few times in the past month, though it was just as friends. Newspapers and magazines had snapped photos of us, they had written articles about us, but nobody knew the truth. They just assumed. Even though I put on a smile on the outside and pretend that everything’s okay, inside, I feel lost.

     My emotions were all over the place. Zayn had left me broken. He didn’t call, he didn’t text, he didn’t make a single effort. If he didn’t make an effort, why should I? I didn’t know what our relationship was, whether if we were over or not. On a happier note, things with the girls and fans were going well. We had finally finished our X Factor tour, I was sad to see it end. I would miss being with the other contestants all the time. Though the tour was over, we had half our debut album recorded and management had announced to us that we may be having a tour next year! I was beyond excited for it, being on tour was the absolute best feeling ever.

     “Come on Perrie we have to leave for the T4 on the Beach sound check.” Jade urged me to leave the sofa. I didn’t want to go, I was fine curled up in a fetus position. If I went, it would mean that I had to see Zayn, and I did not want to see Zayn. One Direction was going to be performing, as were we. But, I had to set the negative aside and focus on the positive. We were going be performing our first single ‘Wings’ for the first time! “Fine, let’s go.” I said, pulling myself off of the sofa and following after Jade.

     We had gotten to the location, and of course the first thing I saw was Zayn and his stupid quiff. His attention turned to me as Jesy called out, “Woohoo, T4 on the Beach!” I mentally slapped her. Our eyes locked together in a gaze, it was the first time that we had seen each other in a month. I’ll admit he still looked gorgeous. Even from far away, I could see something in his eye, it wasn’t happiness, it was sadness, it was empty. I couldn’t describe, it was dull, with no emotion.

     I had definitely been staring for too long, though in return was too. I forcefully tore my eyes away from him and focused them back on the girls. Great, now I was distracted. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I just nodded along like I did. “So Pez, you okay with that?” Leigh asked. “Okay with what?” I asked, utterly confused. “We’re going to join One Direction for lunch, since both our sound checks are after lunch break.” She explained. I internally groaned. I knew if I bailed it would be so obvious that I was avoiding Zayn. I didn’t want anyone to think that I cared about him. “Yeah, totally fine.” I said glumly. We walked over to the boys, I, staying close by Jade’s side. I didn’t want to even look at him in a short distance; he just made me angry, with a tinge of sadness as I still did miss him. “Hey guys, management told us to go out for lunch together, they said it’d be a good bonding time and a show to the press that there’s no tension between us, ‘cause you know…uhm…” She explained, trailing off quietly. My eyes went from Niall to Liam, to Harry and to Louis. I flashed a small smile, doing whatever was best to ignore Zayn and pretend that he wasn’t there. “Yeah sounds great! Nandos?” Niall chirped, with a grin. We all nodded in agreement and set out for Nandos.

     As we all piled into the massive van, I did my best to avoid sitting next to Zayn, but for some reason it seemed that he was trying to get closer to me. He ended up setting right across from me, with our distances apart less than a metre. I was surely going to die in this car ride.

     “Perrie we need to talk.” Zayn said to me as the others began talking about their excitement for T4 on the Beach. “I don’t want to talk to you.” I replied back coldly, pulling out my phone and starting replying to texts. Adam had texted me, wanting to meet up after the gig today. ‘Sure! My place at 7? x” I texted him back. “Yeah I got that from you dodging me.” He said. “But you should know I’m sorry, I didn’t know the truth about you and Adam. I just assumed from the photos of him leaving your flat…then Liam was talking to Jade and he told me the truth.” He added, realising that I was going to ignore his first comment.

     “You know, I have no idea how you do it. You ignore me for a whole month then you want to apologise.” He tried to interject, I held up my hand. “No Zayn! You don’t get a say in this.” I said, my voice progressively getting louder. “You assumed that I was cheating when really I didn’t do anything, then you go ahead and snog some girl in front of a camera. You purposely tried to hurt me, instead of talking to me. Then, you fucking call me a whore through text and completely act as if I didn’t exist for a whole month. You talked shit about me in interviews, do you know how badly that’s going to affect my band? And after all this, you want to talk and you expect me to forgive you and all will go back to its right place again. Well you can hear this, as can all the people in this van,” I said, gesturing to the others. They quickly turned their attention to something else though it was obvious that they were listening. “I liked you, hell I even thought I loved you one point, but now? I’ve learned that you’re nothing but just another typical guy that doesn’t listen or give a shit about a girl’s feelings. You may want to make things right again, but I don’t want to.” I ended. I took in a deep breath and let it out. It was over with, no more Zayn, no more feelings. “You can try to push me away, but I’m still fighting for you, because I like you.” He said softly after a short period of time. I looked away, I didn’t want to look into his chocolate brown eyes, I didn’t want to get sucked in again. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to get hurt again.

     I sat quiet throughout the rest of the ride, as well as during our whole lunch break. I listened to the others talking around me, but I didn’t feel like joining in. Neither did Zayn. He and I had somehow ended up setting by each other in our booth, but we were both ignoring each other, well, I was ignoring him. After lunch, we had gotten back to T4 on the Beach and rehearsed quickly in sound check. We were all set for our performances. 

After the Wings performance

     It was such a buzz, especially performing our own song! The crowd response was amazing as well. We were so lucky to have such supported to fans that loved us for who we are. All the mixers were absolutely fabulous! I went backstage, grinning widely as the excitement buzzed around us all. My eyes scanned across the room, wanted to find my mum, I loved her and all her support. Without her, I would not be where I was today. However, instead of my mum, my eyes landed on Zayn. I could tell from his eyes that he wanted to come over and share his excitement with me, but he feared me. He feared that I would turn and walk away, which I probably would. 

     “Perrie!” A deep, familiar voice called out. I turned around as somebody tapped my shoulder. “Adam! What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised. “Well I had gotten tickets to T4 on the Beach and figured I’d find you backstage. You guys were amazing up there.” He said. “Thanks, it was so much fun.” I gushed, beaming. “I could tell, babe.” He said and leaned in for a hug. I began to embrace him back, but was however greeted by his soft lips on mine. He was, kissing me? I didn’t know how to react as he pulled me close to him. I wasn’t kissing him back, but I wasn’t pulling away. I was shocked and stunned.

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