This Mask of Mine

155

Neither went to the dinner since they weren't calm enough to face Taehyung's energy and questions. Getting into bed was stiff.

Yoongi stared up at the ceiling, as stiff as a board, and Jimin curled up with his back facing his intended. It was the first time in a while that there was a tension between them like that and it felt so much worse than before.

Jimin buried his face in the pillow and sighed.

"I don't... I haven't 'acted' like Jungkook said. Not since the choosing. I'm a worse actor than he thinks, actually." He tried to laugh but it came out as a cough. "I haven't felt the need to act around you, not for safety and not for affection."

Yoongi turned his head towards Jimin.

"He said you weren't happy. That you were just calm."

"We haven't spoken about how things are between us. He probably believes I still don't completely trust you."

"Are you happy?" Yoongi asked quietly—almost a croak. "Genuinely happy?"

Jimin turned to face the alpha. "I'm not doing okay now, but before this and after I get through this, I am and will be happy. If I wasn't, do you think I would've continued this courtship?"

Yoongi deflated but shook his head, looking away.

"I feel like you know how to listen to yourself more now."

"What else did he say?" Jimin asked softly, shifting closer under their furs.

"I was giving you a false sense of security, I was only showing you the good things about me and the bond, and that I was manipulating you because of those."

"You've shown me mostly good things, but there are some not-so-good things too. You told me about your pack, you have the medicine and pain, you have nightmares, we disagree on a few things, and we have arguments. I know that this, at least, is much healthier than only good things or only bad things. And... I feel like we get closer after each argument. If we can't agree on one thing, then we set a boundary. We put it to the side until we can talk about it. You encourage me to think about my past in a safe place and you offer that safe place. I wouldn't say that's manipulation."

"And the false sense of security?"

"That's just Jungkook's thoughts. He might still think we're as close as we were during my dark week, just a little closer. I can talk with him when I feel better."

"He said I was only distracting you from real life."

"You're the best distraction. But you still give me my continuous doses of reality. When I step outside, I can join everyone else and feel present. Again, you encourage me to look back and try to accept and heal if I can. I wouldn't really call that a distraction." Jimin smiled for the first time since his relapse began. "But, you do make me feel good and safe."

Yoongi gave a little smile too, yet guilt plagued his eyes.

"I feel bad for telling you I feel insecure because of what he said when you don't feel good either."

"It's nice to talk about it, either way. If we talk about it when we're both down, then we can come back up together, hm?"

The alpha nodded and opened up an arm in invitation. Jimin fit to his side and wrapped an arm over his stomach.

"I love you," he whispered. "Please, don't doubt that."

"I love you too. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to apologize for. Let's just rest before we exhaust ourselves further."

"Okay." Yoongi croaked, holding his intended close to him.

He was so grateful to have met him. He was so, so grateful.