The Rutherford Twins {Book One}

Chapter 54

A/N: *Sensitive talk.*

Nancy's P.O.V

I never thought I'd give in. I never thought I'd have such insecurities wash over me to make me momentarily blind. I never thought I'd let a guy in, the way I did Tory. Thinking back to what happened last two nights, I don't know whether to continue cursing myself or just focus on the future.

The problem with kissing someone is that things never go back to the way they were. Never. Take Braden and Travis for example.

Okay, it may be arguable that Travis shouldn't be among the example, considering he hurt my feelings - and so what I'm feeling towards him is somewhat comparable to hate and all that... But Braden? We both know that things haven't been exactly the same since we shared that kiss on set. It wasn't a voluntary kiss, but it definitely changed the way we see each other. It's just an unfortunate natural situation.

After my lips collided with Tory', I felt this... What will I call it? Hormones? I felt it arouse. I wanted to just feel the moment; even if I knew it was wrong; even when I knew I'd regret it the day after.

I deepened the kiss; something I shouldn't have done. I gave him false hope. I used him. That's the right explanation. I used him to relief myself; to free myself of the confused, exhausted feelings I had.

As expected, I regret my actions now.

Tory hasn't called me yet. He hasn't texted. After the intense kiss (which we had more than three times in a row)... It almost felt like I would loose my virginity. We were two seconds away from undressing each other. That's to show how messy we both got.

It was such a strange feeling. I've never had such before; even when I was with Travis. I don't know if it's because I've aged a lot more since then or it's just influence.

Bad influence.

Tory stopped us from going any further. He stopped me from making a big mistake. I am thankful to him for that, but I'm very ashamed of myself. I let my walls down so easily!

Stupid hormones!

I guess part of what made me give in was my vulnerability. I was surrounded with problems and I was delicate at that very moment. I wanted someone to talk to. I needed someone to lean on; in an innocent way.

It was like the devil's perfect plan. He sent the opposite sex to me in that moment so that I can commit sin. It's a shame I actually did. I should have rethought my options. I should have resisted. I should have said no. I should have walked out that building, come home alone and cry to and by myself, rather than doing what I did.

Mum, please don't look at me with guilt... It was a mistake.

"Are you okay? You've been quiet the whole ride..." Braden checks, placing a hand on my shoulder.

Oh right... I almost forgot reality for a second. Almost. "Oh, nothing... I'm uh, I'm just thinking about what we're going to do. You know? Preparing my mind for any possible question."

He finds what I said amusing. "Calm down. It's just questions about the film. It's not a quiz."

I nod in a silent agreement.

"Look, I don't know if it's because of the way we ended our last conversation or not, but you can talk to me." He sighs. "I'm sorry if I made things weird between us. I think I was having a clash of emotions. I shouldn't have acted the way I did. We cool now."

I lift my eyes to fully stare at him. "You didn't mean anything you said?"

"Oh, I meant it alright." He clarifies. "I meant all I said about my feelings for you. But what I shouldn't have done was impose pressure on you. I was wrong to lash out the way I did with my momentary insults. That's what I'm sorry for; not telling you what I feel."