Boss Of My Heart ◀▶ Jikook Fanfiction / Sope ◀▶ MATURE

23 I'm Okay

"I'm okay."
He stared at the wall of his room, unblinking, unmoving.
"I'm totally fine."

One breath. 
Two breaths. 

"He lied to me."
A tear escaped his eyes. 

"He knew I would loose everything. He'd known it from the start." 
His breath rattled, as quiet as his voice, barely more than a whisper in the darkness of his room. 

"He used me. He was selfish. I hate him."
His chest hurt. His body hurt. Everything hurt. 

"I've only known him for a few weeks. He means nothing to me." 
Silence answered him. 

It was three or four in the morning.
He'd awoken from a nightmare. About what, he couldn't remember, only that he had awoken with a sour taste in his mouth and his skin damp with sweat. 
And then he hat started convincing himself, as he had the past week. 

"Jungkook and I were never meant to be anyway. It would have never worked out." 

An image flashed in front of his eyes. Only one. Only Jungkook's face, the way he had looked at him as he whispered: remember me like this.

His tears came and then the sobs which he silenced by burying his face into the pillows. 
It had never hurt so much. 
He'd been left before, but nothing had ever made him feel like this. Had him unable to find a way out of this room and back to work. Perhaps this had been the reason all along- why he never opened up to anyone. Why he never allowed himself to love any of his boyfriends for real. Because he felt too much, too deep when he loved for real. Gave parts of himself, the way he had given all those small parts to Jungkook without realizing it. Perhaps without willingly giving it. Taken by that boy who had wrecked his world.

He knew the moment he saw Jungkook, he would fall apart. Especially knowing there was another person by his side now.

He'd seen the photos on the internet. 
Ji-Eun was kind of a hot-shot and her fiancé a very young, very rich man. 
He'd almost manage to get out today. Had almost managed to convince himself he was being ridiculous crying after him. 
Until he'd seen their photo. Holding hands. In front of the company. Wide smiles and standing close. 

Remember me like this.

He wished he wouldn't. He wished he could forget it all. 
To be nothing but an ambitious boy again who liked to sleep around. 
It had been so much easier then. 

Remember me like this. 

It was probably the meanest thing Jungkook had ever asked of him. He should have made Jimin hate him. He should have pretended and lied. He should have shoved him away and made him hate him. 
Instead he knew the smile in that photo wasn't real. He knew what the real one looked like. This wasn't it.
Jungkook was miserable. 
He was miserable. 

Remember me like this.

He did. 
And it hurt all the more. 

***

There was a commotion outside his door.
It was Sunday morning and Jimin had only hoped to be left alone.
He knew he was being a coward. A weakling. Pathetic.
But he couldn't find the strength to even care about it.
He had to save his strength for tomorrow. For when he had to go back to work. Because if he didn't, even this pain would have been for nothing.
He had chosen between his career- his life's work, or Jungkook. If he kept hiding in his room, all of it would have been for nothing. 

The voices grew louder and he groaned into his blanket.
That is until he detected the strangers voice. Not male.
Female.
Loud and tight and snappy.
There was shuffling, the clucking of heels over wooden floor and then three knocks, sharp and angry, just like the voice.
"Open the door, Jimin, right now."