The Thought Of You

Chapter Thirteen.

Oh hell no, I should make a run for it. How? I would have to run passed him and that wasn't going to work. he would kill me, I could jump out the window. Too risky, he'll run after me. Then he'll murder me himself if I didn't already cracked my neck from the fall. Val gently rubbed my arms, it sent warm shivers through my body. I felt safe it was like if he was saying "don't worry, you're safe with me" I trust Val, I know he wouldn't allow anyone to hurt me.

"Get the fuck out our house kole" Val said in a threatening tone. Aye, he sent shivers through me when he said that. I smiled when Val had said that, because it scared me a little bit. And he was speaking to kole like that, Im happy Val care's for me as much as he does.

"Our? Our! What the hell! Are you cheating on me whore!" Kole yelled. My head shot up when he said that. "No. No, don't you dare reply to that, you're not a whore" Val told me. Val tightly grabbed my wrist with one hand  as if kole was going to rip me away from him. Val lightly spoke to me and told me to look away. He finally grabbed my other wrist and let my wrist lose a little. Val had put boxers on.

"Want to say that again?" Val threatened kole, kole rolled his eyes and started laughing. "Are you really cheating on me with him! You are one funny slut. He will never love you! No one will give you more love than I would." Kole laughed as he balled his fist up.

He only calls me a slut when he hurts me.. Maybe he was the only one who was going to love me at the end. Everyone left but him... "I'm sorry.. It didn't mean anything.. I'll come home, I will do anything for you to forgive me--" I stupidly said. Kole smiled so widely, Val spinned me around to face him "you actually can't be this fucking dumb Alex. I know you aren't, you're an amazingly smart person. You can't just buy into his bullshit the second he walks in the door. You aren't actually going to leave, are you?" Val growled, seeming very angry but sad at the same time. I didn't reply to him, kole was right. Kole was the only love I deserved.

Not Val's, Val love wasn't mine it's for his future wife. I hope he understands that too. Val rolled his eyes and forcing grabbed me and pulled me behind him. As he walked up to kole and got in his face. "Get the fuck out! Now!" Val yelled in kole's face. Kole just stood there laughing. "I'm not leaving without the whore" kole assured Val.

"I'm not going to fight you infront of her. Leave, or I'll tell her what you done to her. I'll tell your family, ill tell her family, I'll even tell the cops, tell the principal. Fuck I'll kill you if you won't leave. You know I will." Val said trying to hold his anger.

Val leaned closer to kole "maybe I'll do what you done to her and then rip your heart out. Father like son." Kole face looked like my face. Full of fear, kole punched Val in the face then left as he kept knocking down things on the way out. Val did it, he did it. For me, I ran over to Val and hugged him from behind. Val didn't hug me back, he just stood there. He gently pushed me off him and started making his way to his dresser. "Val? What's wrong?" I asked atcually concerned.

Val didn't say anything. "Val!" I yelled to get his attention. "Oh I'm sorry, I thought you left. With the guy who abused you" Val reminded me. "Val don't need a reminder he abused me.." I said annoyed. "Why would you say it didn't mean anything. And then threaten to leave me here" Val tried not to yell as he threw things around from out his dresser. "Maybe because you where passed out, and why not? This is your home after all." I stated. Val covered his eye's and the room broke in silence for less the four minutes. "You really know how to make a guy cry under five minutes after making him smile like a child.." Val said loud enough so I could hear. "What's your deal? Seriously." I asked Val, Val turned around slowly and looked dead into my face.

His face was soaked with tears and his expression was as if he was brain dead. "I just told you Im in love you, we kissed after you tried to murder me. The worst thing you thought I was your shitty soon to be ex, you tried to kill yourself, then you just said what we did last night meant nothing to you? Fuck, I don't even remember it and it means so much to me.. we literally just kissed but when he comes busting down the door like some phony Shrek and you're ready to jump in his arms and leave me like I don't mean nothing to you" Val explained as he tried not to cry.

"I'm sorry, I'm selfish.. I totally forgot about how you would feel.. you've been such a good friend to me and I would just throw you away like that..." I said as I thought to myself "let me just go. I want to stay here with you but I don't deserve you, I don't want to rip you apart before you find your true love."

"What makes you think you aren't my true love" Val asked. I tried not to cry so I blinked my tears back as I tilted my head "because, I'm a heartless whore." I responded. Maybe kole was right I am a whore I'm everything worse than a whore.

  I don't try to care for anyone's feelings because it only hurts me so maybe I should fill that roll. I've been called heartless once by my mother, she once told me the more I believed/said something the quicker it comes true. But nothing can hide the truth.

Even if I pretended to be heartless I would always know I hate it. "Stop buying into his bullshit Alex. What makes you're a heartless whore, tell me." Val ordered.

"Well I slept with you while with kole.." I gradually said. Val grunted in anger. "You aren't with him! You're single babe. You guys are over, it's been over. He just can't get it through his peanut brain!" Val tried not to yell.

"Does that really makes you a heartless whore? Sleeping with your bestfriend when you probably need sexual attention! No offense! But come on I know you be reading those books with sex acts, matter fact I read that book about five times and each time I got some what horny." Val said that sounded stupid to me.

"Well that's what you may call a slut, sleeping with a guy just because he's next to you at the moment." I said. Kole always told me that when he thought I was sleeping around. I never did though, I was always committed to him. "You can't say that Alex, that I was just some random guy next to you. I know you, you wouldn't just have sex with someone just for the pleasure of it. It's because you love them. Deny you love me now I don't care but you do. And you're shy, you had sex with me when you got the chance. And you will always have the chance because I will always want you" Val said.

"Even after I just hurt you?"
"I love you, you can't hurt me as much as you could if you left. Plus I trust you, you wouldn't break my heart on purpose.So as I saw again, always."

Is this what true love is like?
Or is this toxic...