The Thought Of You

chapter sixteen.

                         Val p.o.v

*Glass shatters* my eyes flickered open. What the hell is going on here? Alexandra. "Alex. Alex, please let me in!" I yelled. Why did glass shatter? What did she shatter? Sometimes this women be on something. There is no way in hells she would smash something and not yell after, that isn't her. Suddenly everything that happened from when I ate that cupcake till now flashed in my head.

A part of me was glad I got some things off my chest in the beginning and she did too. She's so precious to me, I wouldn't want to hurt her. But I did. I scared her.shes in the room locked because of me. The things I said Is what I was thinking about that made me collapse on the floor. My penis hurt so bad, my hand aches. I remember this, I was jerking so I would get over my hornyness. I'm glad I hurt myself before I got to her.

God my penis feels like it's about to break off. I don't even care though, God knows what she's doing in there. Maybe I should kill him(Kole) than kill myself. She doesn't deserve this abuse. She deserves to be safe, to feel safe. I want her to feel the safest in my arms. She probably won't ever look at me the same now. Damn kole I'll kill you if she'd let me. Who the fuck do he think he is by putting hidper into that nasty ass cupcake.

I want to cry, but I don't deserve to cry. I'm a horrible person. Very stupid, what kind of person runs off and leave a cupcake? That sounds stupid, what kind of idiot falls for that. Oh wait I did. I'll just starve myself just to be sure. It's so dark outside I don't think I even want to go to sleep.

Alexandra my one and only true love I'm glad she came to stay with me. I have nightmares without her, I feel a little selfish. Sleeping peacefully as she wakes up in the middle of the night with tears flowing from her eye's. I don't usually show the sexual tention I have for her, I feel like I disrespected her in a way. No wonder I reminded her of kole. I was on that fucking hidper shit. The difference between me and kole is that hidper kole is normal kole. Hidper doesn't effect him, only effects the sane.

He can mess with anyone else but not Alexandra. I love her,it sucks I told her when I was on hidper but I do love her. That's one of the truthful thing I had said to her. I know she said she had sexual tention for me? She wanted me? I don't really remember but I'm hoping that's what she said. I hope she eventually loves me, we could get married have kids.. if she wants them,I would love to have her children. I know I loved her the moment I laid eyes on her soul.

How do you look eyes on someones soul? You look them in the eyes and you see their soul. Sometimes it takes a while, sometimes all it takes is one glance. I sure as hell don't deserve her. "I can loose everything, but God no, please I can't loose her" I cried. I didn't mean for the words to slip my mouth but they did. I need to stop, I have to be strong for her. To many tears shed tonight. Shit I have to clean, it's a mess.

I remember dancing with her but it was like I was behind a  two way mirror. She couldn't see me of course, but then she did. Fuck me, she probably thinks I just want to fuck her just to do it. It's not true, it isn't her body I want. I do but it isn't why I want her, I want to sleep with her to have a deeper connection with her. I crave for our connection. Shut up Val she's just your bestfriend she wouldn't think of you anything more than just a one night stand if you tried anything. That's all she took you for anyways, a one night stand. I then took a glass bottle and smashed it on my head. "Fucking idiot. Don't you dare say that again, she'll love you for you. Not a one night stand, she isn't that type of girl.." I tried to convince myself. Fuck these thoughts, this isn't the time or night to be lost in my thoughts. Everytime she calls me pretty or something I get lost in the thought of how pretty she is. She makes me forget about my past, all the bad things in life. When I'm with her it's only her what's on my mind. Even when I'm without her she's on my mind. Alexandra's groans brought me out of my thoughts. Is she awake? 

"Alex" I wripserd pressing my body towards the door. "Val?" Alexandra said unconsciously as if she was asleep. "He's cheating on me with Jess..." Alexandra trailed off as she struggled to say. I sighed in relief. She's just dreaming, she's okay. "It's okay Alex. I'm here" I said in a whisper. I laid my hand on the door as I slouched on the floor. "I love you" I added. "I love you too" she mummbled back into her sleep. A small chuckle left my mouth. Only if she was awake, fully awake. I'll take anything. A half I love you is better than no I love you. I don't think I'd care if she'd said it back anyways, I want to take things slow with her. I'm just glad she knows I love her. I'm so sleepy though, I think I just want to pass out on the floor here. I can't sleep though, I'm not going to let her go through whatever it is again and just sleep through it. I don't know maybe she's sleeping like a baby hahaha. Don't jinx it Val don't jinx it. I busted out in laughter "HAHA why do I talk to myself in third person!" Because you're a fucking hottie that's what. Atleast that what Alexandra thinks of me.  If Alexandra says it than I'll go with it. Always and forever. Unless she has one of those dumbass moments, than I'll have to drag her to the right thing. Well of course I can't make her do anything she doesn't choose to but she'll thank me later.

"Hickory dickory dock." I sang. "The mouse ran up the clock." I continued to sing as I stood from the ground. "The clock hit one." I started to clean, "ding ding ding!"
"Hickory dickory dock."