The Thought Of You

chapter eighteen.

It felt like hours I was in the woods. I don't care though, the woods was always a safe place for me. I could climb the trees, hear the wind in my ears. The wind fills my ears instead of the manic thoughts. Now I'm sure it's been hours. My phone started to ring and buzz, repeatedly. I didn't bother looking at it since there's no one who should be calling me. Val is probably having hot and sweaty sex with that girl, and I rather not talk about it. Jessica is probably trying to get ahold of me anyways. So as kole, and I have nothing to say to them. I feel like the world is rushing and going to fast for me. I feel like I'm born in a whole different century. I cant kill myself so a nap sounds nice right now. I climbed up one of the highest trees risking my fall and I lay there until I fall asleep.

When I woke up I saw that I had fifty four miss calls and hundred and thirteen messages. Twelve of them was from my parents ask if I was okay the rest was from Val. the last call I got was thirty minutes ago. I look to realize I have fallen asleep the whole day. Now it's dark and I'm up in a tree. I might as well read all the messages I've got. I decided to open Val's first. Maybe he wanted to brag about how good he's had it. I open the messages and scrolled up to the first one sent. It said: we need to talk. Alex? Where did you go, Are you okay? If this is about what happened it's what I want to talk about. Damnit Alex you can't just ditch me like you did.. please Alex I'm worried, please. Please don't ignore me I'm worried about you. I'm going to come look for you..

I can't read all these messages, nor do I want to. I skipped all the way down to the one that was sent forty three minutes ago.I don't know about that price if shit but Im not resting till I find you. I turn off my phone and lay back down.

I rolled over forgetting I was high in the tree and I slowly fell. I screamed from the top of my lungs. I hit the ground and I could barely keep my eyes open. A light shinned over me and that's when I closed my eyes. "Hey.. I found her." A voice said teasingly. I couldn't tell if it was Val of Kole. Either one I would rather be dead. I don't know what's even going on... My eyes then fluttered shut.

"Alex, wake up. I'm getting pretty bored and we can't let lover boy know I have you." Kole? I opened my eyes, kole I shut my eyes back wishing he would disappear and this was a dream. "Well, I told him I had you. But it wouldn't be any fun with you asleep before he gets here." Kole said. He ran his fingers through my hair like he used to. I loved it when he did that.. it just makes me feel broken now. I hate how bad I don't want him to stop.

"What am I doing...here, with you" I said trying to get up. He didn't stop me I just couldn't move. My body hurts like hell. "You fell from heaven and I happened to be close by" he answered. Now I remember, I was in the woods..."what the hell where you doing in the woods?"

"Looking for you" he said softly. "I saw Val having sex with some chick and I thought I'd take his phone and look for you myself while he sleeps around, you know I was a bit surprised you ignored all his calls but then it hit me you're hurt." ... So Val wasn't out looking for me this whole time, it was Kole.

"I don't understand.. how would you be able to call him if you have his phone?"

"Oh baby, my poor baby... You know I've missed you right."

"How could have you called him." I said ignoring his words. I have a feeling he's not talking about me but my body. "Oh I switched our phone's since you blocked me on mine, or ignoring me."

I didn't know what to say I just laid there in silence. Kole slapped my ass real hard and said "Do you know how much I've missed you, you know how much right baby?" He said. "Please don't hit me that hard." I said quietly.

I don't know if it was because I was scared or if it was because I was sad and confused. Why would Val just leave me and never thought much to come back. He smacked it much harder this time making me scream. "Well it won't be for long. I'm sure Val is on his way."

He knows he isn't, why would he call Val to take me from him. "You say you love me, then why are you hurting me." I felt warm drops trail down my cheeks.   There was nothing but silence for the next two minutes. He grips my hair and pulls on it. "You left me, and I don't think I can forgive you".

  He slurs his words. I never saw Kole sound so hurt. His voice cracked even. "You cheated on me, abused me." I had to remind him. I'm not in the wrong. He grips my hair even tighter, I can feel my hair ripping out. Please, stop. "I never abused you." He says aggressively. "I cheated on you...once." he admits.  I should be over him, but hear I am. Crying, feeling something in my heart. He started to tell me with who but I already know with who. I told him to shut up.

"Alexandra I hate that I did it to you... I don't deserve you."   He admits. But he lied. I heard that what he said when said. "You're right. You don't deserve me." I said and he tugged on my hair more. Getting his grip back "You did abuse me. we could have made it work but no. You abused me" I repeated to get through his thick head. "I never abused you." He repeats himself.

"You never told me to stop. Never told me that it wasn't okay. Like now, I know ur hurting that I'm pulling your hair so tightly but not once you told to stop."

"Please stop pulling my hair" I say, in a whisper. He grips harder on my hair and says. "Now this, it's abuse. I'm going to show you what it is so you never confuse the two." He grabs my hair and spins me over on my back. He rips my pants off me.

"See this is your problem Alexandra you don't respect yourself enough to tell me to stop." He says as I hear him take his pants off. He slapped me with his belt, first on my ass and then in my back and then anywhere he could.

I yelled not knowing what it was until I heard the sound of the belt. It broke me, inside and out. How could he do this to someone he claims to love so much.  "Please stop!" I repeated, and yelled in pain. He's not coming, he's not going to get me.  I caught his belt and then head bumped him. He's nose started to bleed. "You little bitch."

I started grabbing my clothes and then running to the door even though I was weak and sick already. He followed close behind me. I reached open for the door feeling the cold breeze I ran out the house. KNOCK! What the hell... Everything went blank from their.

I try to blink my eyes back open but my eye lids are too heavy. I felt something thirst inside me. Being afraid of what it was I started crying. The more I yelled the faster and harder it thirsted. "Stop! You're hurting me!" I screamed.

I tried to fight whatever it was on top of me. I blinked my eyes a few more times and I still couldn't focus on the blur. My body hurts. The more I fought the more I got restrained.
Everything thing burned all I could do is scream from how bad it hurts.

A familiar hand went over my mouth and I yelled to the top of my lungs, it has to be him. The body weight on me made me feel suffocated. I felt as if I was loosing breathe."I told you I would do this to you again didn't I . I'm not ever going anywhere"- kole

Remembering what he said at the party I screamed, screamed so I couldn't hear my own thoughts. I squeezed my eyes shut and now I was still screaming.. just not at kole's house anymore.