Eight Days with my guardian Angel (short story/gxg)

Crazy me

My days starts after lunch. I am not a morning person. It was just recently that I started working part-time online. Something happened to me years back that I cannot remember. I lost track of time. It seems like everything is just a dream. I don't know which one is real.

Although there are times that I am having visions about people, events and places kaya lang its too complicated.

According to my doctors, I have been to Neverland those past years, which I also believe I was. As much as I want to know more about my past, wala talaga akong maalala. Well not totally, may part lang in particular.

Dr. Jasmine Madrigal is my new personal Psychologist. She is helping me to evaluate those visions and images na pumapasok sa isipan ko.

Actually, based on my records, I have been with different Psychologist na before but it was with Dr. JM na nagkaroon ako ng progress. We are working together for almost a year now. She is my Tita's close friend. Tita Jen is my father's younger sister. My mom died when I was five due to a car accident while my dad married his childhood sweetheart and settle down in Canada. I grew up with my grandparents together with Tita Jen and Manang Miriam, our caretaker.

Growing up is not difficult kahit wala yung parents ko, super loving naman sila lolo at lola pati na rin si tita Jen. They have supported me in everything na gusto kong gawin basta wala lang madedehado o masasaktan na ibang tao. That's the only memory I got for now. I am still on the process of discovering who I am.

Sabi ni Dr. JM, no need to rush, darating din yung time na unti-unti ko itong maalala. Pero I feel so frustrated pa rin, ilang years na akong ganito. Hindi ko alam basta feeling ko wala ng sense yung life ko kay better na tuldukan na ito.

Actually ilang beses ko ng naiisip na magpakamatay feeling ko kasi I'm all alone. Hindi ko ma-explain pero I feel empty and tired. Dumating ako sa point na tinatamad na akong bumangon. Ni hindi nga ako lumalabas ng kwarto.

Hindi rin ako kumakain, kape lang. Sabi nga nila pumayat na raw ako. Hindi rin kasi ako makatulog, kung makakatulog man madaling araw na. Bihira nga rin akong maligo eh. Ewan ba.

At first super hirap talaga pero with the help of Dr. JM kinakaya naman kahit paano. All out support sila ng wife niya sa akin na si Ate Faith. She used to lived with us during her early years here in Baguio kaya I considered her as my sister.

Tita Jen helped her daw to settle here noong nag-aaral pa lang siya. Lagi daw kami noon nagkukukwentuhan sa bahay, sabi nya she also became my tutor daw.. Although wala ako maalala masyado about it, I feel that mapagkakatiwalaan ko siya. I even trust her more than Dr. JM pero ganun pa man, she's really good though.

Actually, I am her only client now, she stopped working as a Psychologist since nagsama na sila ni Ate Faith. Kaya sa bahay nila ako pumupunta for our session which is indeed therapeutic dahil sa farm sila nakatira at bukod duon pinagluluto ako ni ate Faith ng mga favorite foods ko kaya napipilitan akong kumain.

Although kinakaya ko naman yung situation ko ngayon may times lang na hindi ko maiwasan na super depress at frustrated pa rin ako.

Nakakainis kasi yung feeling na hindi mo kilala yung sarili mo tapos lahat pa ng tao may masamang balak sa iyo. Lahat sila kampi-kampi against me eh wala naman akong ginagawang masama sa kanila. Kaya dumating ako sa time na its better to end my life na lang para wala na akong problema.

Actually matagal ko ng naiisip yuon at tanging si Dr. JM lang ang nagpapakalma ng thoughts ko sabayan pa ng support ni Ate Faith.

Ang gulo ko ano? Alam ko naman yuon. Kaya nga people call me crazy. They don't like me, I don't like them too. I don't trust people except for Ate Faith pero may times din na nagdududa ako sa kanya na baka tsinitsismis niya ako kay Doc.

Hindi nga ako lumalabas ng bahay eh. Ewan, I just don't feel talking to anyone.

I prefer to be alone all the time at nasanay na ako na ganun na. Ok lang may mga boses naman akong nakakausap minsan. Better pa nga yun eh at naiintindihan nila ako.

It was ate Faith who keeps convincing me na to work online kaya napilitan akong maging graphic designer ng isang modelling agency na pag-aari ng asawa ng friend ni Doc JM.

Kahit na may times na nahihirapan akong magconcentrate eh pinipilit ko pa rin gawin yung task ko. May medication din kasi ako.

Ganun pa man, good start na ito dahil mahaba-haba pa yung list ni Doc JM na need ko daw ma-accomplish. Hopefully in time maging ok na rin ang lahat.

But for now, I have to attend to something very important... ang asikasuhin yung bisita kong isip bata na nasa labas na kanina pa ako iniinis. Ayaw tumigil sa kakasigaw dahil andiyan na yung food na galing kay Ate Faith.