when there was me & you ⇀ ricky bowen imagines {ON HIATUS}

five years later (iv)

↬ language; (teen) pregnancy; allusions to sex 

keywords: 
y/l/n: your last name

then

"wait." ricky shakes his head, unable to believe what he just heard. "you're breaking up with me? after all we've been through?"

nini sighs, pulling her ponytail over her shoulder. she can't bring herself to look at ricky. she knows this isn't what he wants but she knows it's what he needs.

"i love you, ricky." she finally says, sighing defeatedly.

"and i love you so why?" he raises his voice, running his fingers through his hair. he sighs. "why?"

"i love you," nini repeats. "but you're not mine. not really. come on, you've always been hers."

"what are you talking about?"

"y/n. you loved her, didn't you?"

ricky scoffs, looking over at her side of the dorm wall which is plastered in photos of her family, friends, and them.

"we never said it," he says honestly. he takes a seat on the edge of nini's bed, burying his face in his hands.

he never told y/n he loved her but he knew back then he'd loved her. he'd planned to tell her on their one year, confident they'd make it there. confident they'd make it two, three and maybe eventually start counting married years.

but then nini came up to him in the auditorium one fateful day junior year as he was practicing a song on the piano and confessed she still loved him. and she was his first love. there was some part of him that thought he had to say it back to her too. and then ...

"yeah," he sighs. "i loved her."

"do you still?"

yeah, he still thought about her. he wondered how she was doing now, if she had a boyfriend who knew just how lucky he was.

his silence is enough for nini.

"that's what i thought."

—♫♪♬—

now

"what are we anyways?" you ask, pressing a kiss to ricky's clavicle.

"whatever you want us to be." he says, lifting your chin up so you're looking at him. he leans down to kiss you. "you set the pace."

you nod once, giving him another quick kiss before resting your head on his chest. you close your eyes as you listen to the steady thrumming of his heart, letting it pull you into a near slumber.

"hey?" ricky pipes up. you jerk awake, craning your neck to look up at him. "this is ... weird of me to ask, but i'm curious– and you don't have to answer, but how many men have you slept with since ..."

he trails off, but you know what he was going to say: "since we broke up. since you left."

"there was a one night stand when finn was like, two. but i felt absolutely terrible afterwards, like why am i worried about getting laid when i have a child to take care of?"

"what about when we do it?" he inquires.

you shrug, but honestly there's something about giving yourself to ricky (the father of your child, the love of your life—still, even after all that happened) that's different than giving yourself to a stranger.

"when i was young, mom would tell me and marta that sex should be something special, one of our ultimate expressions of love . . ." you hope ricky gets where you're going with this.