Betrayed

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When I had left for New Brunswick in the spring I had to let my apartment go. I hadn't planned on coming back so soon, but I didn't want to be held back by an empty apartment if something came up. I had graduated from the local community college in my town and worked at a few restaurants before getting a bit of a break with Gabriel's company. The job was hard to fill as it was in an isolated area with little to no means of external communication. It was certainly not a family friendly kind of job either, I had just been gone for a better part of the year with only weekends off. Regardless, I had no one tying me down, and I found it liberating to be so far away from the outside world. I had made some real good friends there during the season and I was seriously planning on returning. I dreamt of Gabriel for the first month I had returned home, looking back at him with rose coloured glasses and replaying our weekend together had given me a different perspective on him.

My mother and sister had taken me in for the winter and insisted that I paid my part of the rent, food and bills. They were not particularly well off and I knew that every little bit I could contribute would help them immensely. Their apartment was situated downtown over a bookstore my mother owned. My sister and I had not been raised there, but it had felt more like home to us than our farmhouse ever did.

My father passed away in our house when I was ten. He had chosen to live out the last moments of his life in the farmhouse and it had traumatized my sister and I to watch him fade away to nothing. As soon as he passed my mother put the house up for sale and moved us into the tiny little apartment where the constant reminders of my father's last days were far away. I was in full support of end of life care in the home, but my father's illness made him an unsuitable candidate for this choice.

My mother was the owner and sole worker of the bookshop we lived above. She had worked hard to pay the bills and provide for us in a struggling transitional market where e-readers were ganging up on books in terms of popularity. She did many custom orders and tried to stimulate interest in the store by inviting local and passing authors for book signing. So far she had managed to keep the business afloat but was sure that her retirement would be the end of the business she had created from the ground up. This realization made her bitter, she had hoped to build something to pass on to my sister and I someday. But neither one of us showed any interest in buying her out anytime soon. My sister for a lack of interest in anything literary, and me for fear of being burdened with a failing business. I loved to read and I spent many hours in her store growing up reading everything I could get my hands on. But I watched my mom struggle to make ends meet during each yearly quarter.

My sister Lane, was just 10 months older than me and although we were close in age, we were not close friends. Growing up in the shadow of a sick sister had a way of putting a damper on your childhood. Granted, cancer had put a damper on my childhood as well, but Lane didn't see it that way. In her eyes, having cancer was a one way ticket to getting everything I wanted. I was spoiled by my relatives and my parents doted on me during my treatments, which likely made Lane feel left out and unimportant.

I always made sure to share with my big sister because I wanted us to be friends. I looked up to her and wanted to be just like her. But as we grew up I realized that no matter what I did, Lane would resent me. It was unfair; I had not chosen to have cancer but to her 6 year old mind, it was a choice I had made.

Lane was obsessed with equality and always made a fuss when things were not exactly the same for the two of us. To top it off, we were as different as two sisters could be. Lane was popular and fashionable, eventually making a career as a hairdresser. She was very skilled and one of the most coveted stylists in town, earning herself several spotlight interviews in Salon Magazine.

I had always been shy and reserved as a kid, I didn't have many friends but it gave me more time to focus on my education. I was excellent at math and science; my guidance counsellors strongly encouraged me to pursue a career as a chemical engineer or a pharmacist, but unfortunately my financial situation didn't allow it. I graduated with honours with distinction and was made the valedictorian whereas Lane was elected prom Queen.