Betrayed

The Talk

Gabriel was already gone when I woke up and I cursed him out for running away from the discussion he had promised. I got ready to go to work and as I was calling a cab, Gabriel pulled up in the driveway. Grumpy, I hopped in his truck and did not look at him when he handed me a coffee. We didn't speak on the way to the diner but he pulled me in for a kiss before I hoped out.

I was in a sour mood all day and snapped at the waiters a few times when they tried to cheer me up. I was officially going to be known as the bitchy chef. I didn't bother calling Gabriel at the end of my shift but walked to the room I was renting, slumped down on my bed and burst out crying. My landlady was gone for the week so I wasn't expecting to hear anyone knocking gently at my bedroom door. Before I could answer, the door slowly swung open, revealing a puffy eyed Gabriel.

"Harper, I'm sorry" he started, avoiding my eyes, "I can't... I don't want kids"

"I know" I said simply. I had no idea how to voice my concerns.

"I'm not going to change my mind about it"

"I know" I repeated, "But this is not going to work out between us. I want kids Gabriel, maybe not this minute, but someday. I don't want to end up an old lady and have this giant aching regret about my life."

"What do we do now?" he asked, fidgeting with his lighter.

"I don't know, I guess this is it for us."

"Really? Just like that?" he said, anger flaring in his face.

"Gabe, what's the point?"

"You can't just chose not to be with me because I don't want kids"

"And you can't decide that I'm not going to have children!" I shrieked.

"Look at the shitty job I did with Chrissy, look at the shitty husband I was to Lisa. I never wanted kids and having Chrissy turned my life upside down. I'm happy with the way things are now, I don't want to bring another kid into this world. A kid who is going to resent me all his life."

"I'm not Lisa!" I said much louder than necessary, "and you're not the 18 year old Gabriel who made bad decisions, you have a successful business, you've lived a good life, you're wise and you would be a wonderful father if you gave it half a try."

"I'm not going to change my mind Harper" he said after having processed what I had said.

"Neither am I" I said stubbornly "so I guess we are at an impasse."

"I guess so," he said pathetically. He got up from my bed and left my room. I watched through the window as the most stoic man I knew broke down in his truck. His head rested on the steering wheel for a long while before he wiped his eyes on his sleeve and started up his truck. My heart broke into a million pieces but I was not going to let this change my mind. I felt numb and empty on the inside.

I stayed in bed the rest of the day wallowing in my misery. Surely I was being punished for the way I had treated Remi. My heart ached like never before and for a moment I thought I might actually die of a broken heart. I felt so pathetic. Gabriel had been taking care of me and in the few short weeks we had spent together I was talking about having babies with him. Surely this was not a healthy, sane woman kind of situation; there was something wrong with me. I felt incredibly dehydrated by the end of the day but I had no energy left to even make myself something to eat. Selfishly, I hoped that Gabriel felt at least half as awful as I did. At supper time, I simply fell asleep, spent from all the crying and screaming I had done all day.

The next day I got a call from an endocrinologist to book an appointment. He was going to be the doctor in charge of making sure my hormone levels were under control and ultimately making the decision whether I would need radiation therapy or not. Once again I regretted not having a support system in place. I didn't want to ask Gabriel to come with me but I also didn't want to go by myself. It was Gabriel who called me about coming to the appointment later on in the week. I had no doubt Sally had talked to him about it.