Betrayed

Post-op care

I woke up to dull rumbling pains in my stomach. I hadn't eaten all day and I suddenly felt dizzy and light headed. I rummaged through my bag looking for a night gown to slip into before heading out of the room. Gabriel was sitting on the couch with the TV on mute, he was absentmindedly watching while strumming his guitar. I watched him, smiling, then he began singing in a deep melodious voice that sent chills down my spine.

"Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

it's not warm when she's away

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And she's always gone to long

Anytime she goes away

Wonder this time where she's gone

Wonder if she's gone to stay

ain't no sunshine when she's gone

And this house just ain't no home

Anytime she goes away

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, gone away

And this house just ain't no home..."

He noticed me standing there and quickly put the guitar aside to come hold me.

"What's the matter?" he asked, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"That was fucking beautiful" I said half laughing. For the first time in my life I saw the impenetrable Gabriel Mason blush. He awkwardly rubbed the back of his head while looking down.

"Thanks"

"I've never heard that song done like that before, Gabe, that was incredible!" I said.

"Are you hungry?" he said, changing the subject.

"Yeah, I'm ravenous" I replied, my stomach rumbling again to emphasize the point.

"There is soup in the fridge and ice cream in the freezer, what would you like?" he asked, prepared to get either one of them.

"I can get it," I said heading to the fridge. He followed me in and watched as I opened the doors to the fridge. I was stunned to see so much food in there, the top row was full of soup containers ready to be reheated, he had bought yoghurts, puddings, apple sauce, jello, there were two cases of ginger ale, the crisper drawers were loaded with fresh vegetables. I tentatively looked in the freezer and found it to be chock full of Ben and Jerry's individual ice cream in all the flavors the store probably offered.

I turned to look at him in disbelief and found him with a smug look on his face.

"What would you like to eat?" he said.

"I think soup would be perfect" I said as I turned to grab the container. He swept me off my feet and sat me on the couch, placing a tray over my lap as he returned to the kitchen to get some food ready. He returned with two steaming hot bowls of soup and plopped himself down next to me. He turned up the volume on TV and we watched an old episode of Sex in the City. Once I was done eating he carried all the dishes back to the kitchen, did the dishes and returned with a couple water bottles and cans of ginger ale.

"Can you play some more guitar?" I asked. He shook his head. "Please?" I begged. He gave in easily and grabbed the guitar from its stand. He played some unfamiliar songs but refused to sing again. I dozed off for a while basking in the warmth and comfort of the heavy blanket Gabriel had dug out for me.

When I woke Gabriel had gone but he left a note to inform me he was getting my prescription at the pharmacy and to text him if I needed anything. Though I desperately just wanted to lounge around all day, I pushed myself to get up and move around. I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror for a while, trying to figure out if my incision was healing or getting worse. I cursed myself for deleting the photos of my first surgery off of my phone. I wanted to compare my current incision to what it was like the last time and whether the bruise that was forming at the top right was normal. I tentatively touched the squishy painless lump, observed it from a different angle and finally convinced myself it was part of the healing process. Because of my aversion to touching the incision, I took another shower, letting the gentle water jet rinse the area before squeamishly massaging a small amount of soap around the area. I dried it thoroughly and put on the gooey ointment that always wept its way down my neck and onto my upper chest. I dressed in a V-neck t-shirt and sweatpants and by the time I had completed those simple activities I was ready for another nap. I was about to make my way to Gabriel's bedroom when he walked into the house.

"Hey," he said with a smile. He was carrying an armload of bags and handed me the small paper one from the pharmacy. I carefully read the medication instructions the pharmacist had included and took my first dose of synthetic thyroid medication. I would have to figure out a way to take this tiny pill everyday for the rest of my life. "I didn't get you coffee cause the pharmacists said it would react with your meds or something, but I bought some coffee for the machine. So maybe later if you want I can make you a cup?"

"You would make it yourself?" I gasped, teasing.

"I'm not completely useless," he said, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"I was teasing, I know you're not useless" I said with a smile.

"You don't seem to have much faith in me," he said bitterly.

"Come on Gabriel, I was joking. I'm sorry I didn't realize you didn't have a sense of humour" I said, biting back tears. He slammed a cupboard shut but didn't say anything. Feeling as though I was walking on eggshells I continued my way to his bedroom and shut the door gently behind me. I was prone to look into things too deeply when I was tired so I tried to block out the thoughts that tried to assault me and fell into a light sleep again.

After a short hour nap, I woke to find Gabriel curled up next to me. His eyes were closed and his breathing was deep and even. His face was relaxed and it was nice to see him without a frown. I reached down to his hair, running my fingers through the soft curls. He sighed as a smile formed on his sleepy face. I kissed the tip of his nose and his eyes flew open. He caught my face between his hands and pulled me in for a deep kiss.

"I'm sorry I was a grump earlier. I haven't slept in so long." he said in exasperation.

"How come?"

"Between worrying about you and Chrissy's pregnancy I jus-"

"WHAT?" I asked a little louder than necessary, straining my voice once again.

"Chrissy's pregnant, I'm going to be a grandfather" he said with a grimace. I laughed until tears streamed down my face causing him to laugh as well.

"Holy shit, you sound so old!" I teased. He sobered and gave me a warning glare.

"I fucking feel it!" he said shoving me lightly. I crawled back to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"You don't even have a single gray hair, count your blessings old man!" I teased. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"I'm okay I guess"

"Do you need me to get you anything?"

"No, just stay right here" I said, pulling up his shirt and rubbing his abdomen.

"Don't start something you can't finish Miss Saunders" he said with a hint of warning, holding my hand still. I moved my face next to him, and kissed his cheek, then snuggled into his neck.

"Goodnight Gabe"

"'Night Harp," he said. I groaned at the use of the nickname but I decided to let it slide this one time.

I was incredibly sore the next day. My neck ached, the lump above the incision seemed to be getting bigger and I was very short of breath on exertion. I googled my symptoms and found that they ranged from normal post op findings to lung cancer. I tried to convince myself that it was normal but a nagging voice at the back of my mind kept reminding me that the cancer could have spread. I didn't want to scare Gabriel, as I was sure I was being overly dramatic, but it bothered me that I had no recollection of feeling this way for my last surgery. I felt more awake and less nauseated but I was quick to tire after doing the simplest tasks.

Gabriel had some work to do around town and left me mostly on my own for the day but assured me he would be close by if I needed anything at all.

I spent the day on the couch trying to rest between watching TV and eating. The rest did me good and little by little I seem to be getting better. 

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