Betrayed

Change of pace

I returned to Remi's apartment and took stock of the place. I would most likely be able to move all of my things out in one trip. I did not own any furniture, electronics, blankets, or any household goods, all I had was clothes, a few toiletries, my phone and the plant Gabriel had bought me. I didn't particularly want to move back to Manitoba and besides, I would need to wait for my biopsy results before I could make up a decision about leaving New Brunswick. I laid in bed cuddling up to a pillow that smelt like Remi and fell into an exhausted dream filled sleep. I did not feel rested when I woke up but decided that I should start looking for an apartment and a car the same day. 

There was not a whole lot of choice when it came to furnished apartments but in the end I contacted an elderly lady who was renting a room in her house. It would be appropriate lodgings for me as I had very little to bring along. Her house was also close to Sally's and would take me approximately 20 minutes to walk to work each day. I decided to give it a try knowing I would have plenty of savings to purchase a car if the need came up.

I filled out the lease form and was granted the keys by the end of the week. I moved all of my belongings between shifts at the diner and by the start of the next week I was fully moved. I cleaned out the perishable food from Remi's fridge, cleaned and tidied the whole place and left the apartment keys on the hook before leaving. I kept his truck keys so that I could deliver them when he returned but I never took his truck while he was gone. I called him two weeks after he had left and let him know that we were done.

"I still think you should have stayed at my place and we could have talked things through when I got back" he said.

"I know Remi, but I don't think it's fair for you," I answered. "You are such a wonderful man, I think you deserve better than that. You are going to make some woman incredibly happy someday. You are the whole package" I said, meaning it.

"If I'm the whole package, why couldn't I make you happy?" he said and his voice cracked at the end. My eyes filled with tears as my heart constricted in my chest.

"I don't know Remi, I'm a fool for letting you go" I sniffed

"Then don't" he pleaded.

"Remi...."

"Harper, I don't understand what I did"

"You didn't do anything, I swear. I adore you, but I'm not in love with you and trust me, I hate myself so much for that."

"Maybe it's something that will come with time," he said, sounding hopeful.

"I don't think so, Remi," I said.

"Is it because of Gabriel?" he asked.

"Don't do this"

"I'm sorry. I just... I thought I would be enough for you despite being so inexperienced"

"It has nothing to do with experience, Remi, I just don't think you and I are meant to be together. We had a summer fling, but we both have very different paths ahead of us, and I don't want to be holding you back" I was grasping at straws, I was on the verge of a meltdown, I needed him to understand.

"Can I see you when I get back? One last time?" he asked.

"I think that would be okay," I responded.

"Okay, I'll message you when I have my flight detail"

"Okay, I'll make sure I have the day off to pick you up from the airport"

"Thank you"

"Thank you Remi, for everything"

"It was nothing. I'll see you soon, goodnight"