Loving the Campus Monster

Chapter 20( My world turned upside down)

Laura

The ray of sunlight hitting my face wakes me up the next morning. Then came the awareness of the warm body underneath me. The spooning position we fell asleep in last night changed and now Ross's chest lays under my cheek.

He is on his back, his arms spread wide, while I ended up halfway on top of him. For a moment, I remain still, listening to the even sounds of his heartbeat. A light, happy feeling curls inside of me like a warm, fluffy kitten. It feels simple, and real, and so very right to wake up next to him like this, just like it always does but... more so now.

I recall everything we did last night in vivid detail. The hot intensity in his eyes, his hands everywhere on my body, the desperation in his hungry kiss...

The memories of these sensations make me lightheaded all over again. I run my hand down his chest, not able to stop myself from touching him as I remember everything we did.

"I see your awake." Ross's deep voice, rough from sleep yet with a distinct tone of amusement, makes me freeze. I have been caught red handed touching him while he sleeps. He must think that I'm such a pervert.

"Sorry." I blush, moving my hand off of him but he catches it in his.

"Don't be sorry." He rises on his elbows and looks down at me and smiles. "You can touch me when and however you want." The caring and complete honesty in his tone cuts through my embarrassment and makes me smile.

"I didn't know you could be so sweet."

He shrugs. "Only with the ones I love." He says, making my heart do summersaults in my chest. I don't think I'll ever get tired of hearing him say that.

It's all so surreal. I never thought this would ever happen to me. That I would find someone that I could trust, to help me beat back my fears and panic, and that I could actually be myself with. I never thought it was possible considering how broken I am, but he's made me realize that I don't have to stay broken. He's given me the strength to fight my darkness by reaching out for help again.

He's my savor. My sister was right when she called him my Knight. He's my Knight in dark armor that came into my life to save me from the darkness of the world... and the darkness from my mind.

He looks at me before narrowing his eyes. "Are you okay Laura? How are you feeling?"

"How?" I feel a wide smile stretch across my face, letting the radiance shine through. "Happy." I throw my arms around his neck and hug him close to me. "You make me feel so very happy Ross."

I feel him smile on my neck as he holds me tightly. "You make me happy too, Laura." He whispers, melting my heart and reinforcing my feelings for him.

We laid there and just held each other until I spoke quietly into his chest. "I called a counselor."

He pulls back and looks at me. "A what?" He brings his thumb up and wipes the wetness from my cheeks, making me aware of my tears. My happy tears.

"I got a counselor referral through the crisis phone line." My voice strengthens as tell him this. "I told her everything. It was hard." I wince. "Very hard because I feared she wouldn't listen to me and just blame me like the other therapist did, but.... she didn't. She didn't judge me or make me feel bad, instead she listened and now I feel much lighter here." I rub the middle of my chest.

"You, did it? You really, did it?" He looks extremely happy now.

"Mmmhmm." I leaned my head back on his chest and played with his chest hair. "I told her about that night and about him, and you know what I've realized? He doesn't matter. It's not about that one night, not about the past. It's about the future, and about gaining control over my life again. That's what I'm going to focus on in my weekly phone sessions with the councilor now. I just want to live a full life, and I need to figure out a way to do it, for myself, you know. Because when I'm happy-truly, fully happy, it's so much easier to make people around me happier too."