Loving the Campus Monster

Chapter 30 (Forgiveness)

Ross

I can't decide whether or not to go inside as I stare up at my uncle's massive house. I see Hellen must have decorated the outside of it because there was a red heart shape reef hanging on the door and little figures of fat baby angels with cupid's arrows hanging on the porch. The smiling cupid babies seem to be mocking me as I climb the steps to the door. I ring the doorbell and try to come up with an excuse as to why the hell I am here but before I can come up with one, Rony opens the door.

"Hey." I say as Rony opens the door wider for me to come inside.

"Hey." He says no emotion in his voice.

I dig my hands into my pockets, unsure what to say or do as I stand in the foyer.

"If you're looking for Laura, she's not here. Holly and Laura took some time off of school and left town for a bit." He tells me and walks towards the living room.

"Yea... I figured she wouldn't be here." I say, following a few feet behind him. "I actually came here looking for you since I couldn't find you at your apartment."

"Really?" He asks, surprise clear in his voice as he takes a seat on the couch.

"Yea."

"Oh. Well, I came here to help my mother out. She apparently needed a taste tester for her a desert she's making for my father for Valetine's day."

"Oh." I forgot all about Valetine's day. I don't really keep track of holidays anymore, not since Ricky died. They never really held much appeal to me to before. I only celebrated them for my brother's sake back then, but when he died, I stopped. It became too hard to celebrate or enjoy anything again without Ricky the first year after he died. It just felt wrong to enjoy anything ever again without Ricky there too. But now... things have changed. Having Laura in my life made me start to enjoy the holidays again. Last Christmas was the first holiday I actually celebrated since Ricky died and for the first time it didn't fill me with constant pain of missing him like it usually did. Before Laura, the reminder of my brother and all the memories that came with it was just too much for me to handle when it came to the holidays. But this time it was different. Spending Christmas with Laura was different. I still missed Ricky, but it didn't fill me with the stabbing pain of loss like it usually did in the past, and I know that had mostly to do with Laura. She slowly filled the spot in my black heart that had been missing since Ricky died and slowly healed it. She healed me.

I never notice until now what she did for me. I was too busy trying to help Laur through her darkness to see that she helped me get through mine too. I should have told her that. Maybe she would have understood. But after everything I did to her in the past, I doubt that would have changed anything. She still would have.... left.

The thought of Laura being gone forever sends a spear of icy dread through me. I try to push it back before it starts to consume me with the mindless rage I know its leading up to. I can't give into the familiar anger like I used to, not if I want to get Laura back.

"Is Hellen here now?" I ask, trying to distract myself.

He shakes his head. "No. She forgot an ingredient for the cake she was making, so she went to the store to get it."

"Oh." I say, not sure what else to say.

A tense silence follows as I try to gather my thoughts. I know he must be wondering why I would be looking for him. We haven't talked in years, but right now I needed someone to talk to, desperately. I don't really have a lot of friends anymore since I stopped hanging out with my old group of-I guess you could call them-friends. And I haven't really made any new ones on the hockey team since I just started a few weeks ago. I didn't really have any close friends when I played on the hockey team before since I preferred to stay by myself back then, away from everyone else and all their judgment. But even if I did have someone else to go to now, I would still choose to come to Rony. We may not talk or interact much anymore, and all that is mostly my fault, but deep down I know I can trust him still. We used to be really close growing up, kind of like brothers instead of just cousins. I remember all those times that I would come to him to talk or just to vent whenever my father would get in one of his moods and hit me or Ricky. I used to be able to come to him with anything I needed help with. And I never felt uncomfortable talking to him about things like that since he was always very patient and understanding, and he never once judged me for what I would tell him back then. Not even when I would share some of my... darker thoughts I would have of wanting to end my father's life, or possibly... my own.