Hair Pin [Sunny x Basil | Basil x Sunny | Bunny | Sunflower] OMORI Oneshots

Everything is going to be okay

[Art by Anon2000000 on Reddit]

WARNING

Slight spoilers

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My hands moved unconsciously over all the little plants, each in their own clay pot. Some had dead leaves or branches that were growing where I didn't want them to, so the scissors in my hands swiftly snipped those off. As I went over the row of pots, it seemed that new irregularities cropped up, so I used my scissors again and removed those too.

This was a largely therapeutic activity. I loved seeing my sprouts growing into large plants and knowing I helped them along the way. Checking if the soil is right, making sure they get enough, but not too much, water, guiding them to grow where was best... All this was a daily chore, one that I enjoyed.

I had brought the plants that usually stayed in the living room into my bedroom to take care of them. I left the ones that didn't need as much attention, such as succulents, outside. I didn't like taking care of them outside of my room, since Polly was here all the time as of late. I don't really trust her... What if, when I was crouched over the plants, she came up behind me? That was an unsettling thought. I don't like anyone behind me, at all. She doesn't realize that, and did it often when I still spent time in the other parts of my house out of my own free will. So now I only leave my room when necessary.

Even if I don't like it, I still go to school. Every day, I hope he'll leave his house and come too. But every day for what seems like forever, that's never happened. All I find are Aubrey and her hooligans. Kel... I don't think Kel ever really was a close friend of mine, even though he was in my old friend group. For the most part, he doesn't notice me anymore. Or maybe he doesn't care. He helps only sometimes.

Aubrey... I hate Aubrey so much. Why did she have to invite herself into my house? Then she bullied me for what she found. It would have been better if she just treated me as Kel is.

So every day after school, I surreptitiously pass over to where he lives. Maybe he'll look out his window and see me. Maybe he'll invite me in, and maybe we'll talk.

Again, that never happens. He left me. And I still stupidly hang on to him, even though he's abandoned me. No, I'm treating him too harshly. Maybe Aubrey, Kel, and even Hero deserve my dislike, but I shouldn't dislike him. I'm sure he's a good guy... He's hiding because he's scared. Maybe he's even scared for me! Maybe he's worried that that something will hurt me if he ever comes near me again. Maybe he thinks about me every day, just like I think about him. Not even every day... I'm happy if he thinks about me at all.

It's probable that he hates me. I deserve that, don't I? I know a secret no one should know. Maybe he's scared I'll share it. I hope some day he sees I'll take it to the grave... And I hope one day, he becomes my friend again. No, he doesn't have to be my friend. I'd be fine if he treated me horribly. I'd be fine if he just looked at me and thought about me and-!

I know my thoughts make no sense. First, I want him to make it all up to me, all the years he's left me alone. Then, I just want him to think about me at all. But maybe those aren't different things. I'm not sure. Others would probably expect more in terms of making that much time of abandonment up, but I'm fine with what I can get. I'm just sad he's never once come to say hi.

But would I even be able to express my gratitude once he does? Would I be able to spill my heart out once we're in the same room together, saying that all I've been living for these past few years is a chance to see him again? Maybe the moment would pass unnoticed by him and he'd keep on living, forgetting about me soon. And I'd hate myself even more for letting it go by like that. No, it's not a "maybe." It's a "probably." A "most definitely." And that's why I'm good for nothing. Even with the thing I've wanted for forever and I think about all the time, I can't reach once it gives the opportunity to me.

I'm so self-centered, aren't I? I just think about how he sees me. Shouldn't I think about him? How is he? Has hiding away all these years, with a burden like that on his mind, been easy on him? Is he as broken as I am now?

I realize that my thoughts flit back to me as I force myself to think just about him. I also realize I'm angry. I'm angry at myself for being egotistical, but... I'm even more angry at him. He probably has never thought of coming to see me over all these years. He's probably even more egotistical than me. He probably doesn't give a shit about me at all. He doesn't even think of how I see him.

I look at what I've been snipping away at with my gardening scissors. The bush I've been trimming now looks pathetic. I've cut away all its leaves, all its branches. I was just trying to help it grow...

I sit down on the floor and cover my mouth with my hand. I'm shaking. Tears breach the surface and run down my face. Why did it have to be like this...? Why couldn't we just have a happy life? Why did we have to ruin it all?

I hate this. I hate this all. I hate myself. I hate him, even though I try not to. I hate this life. I hate life in general! It's so cruel. All of it is so cruel... Why is everyone and everything so mean? Why does it have to be like this?

I drop my scissors and run into the bathroom to splash water on my face. I need to cool down. I shouldn't hate everything, and I especially shouldn't hate him. I love him, don't I? I just need to tell myself that everything is going to be okay. Everything will eventually be fixed. I'll eventually have a happy life, which I hope will be with him by my side. "Everything is going to be okay," I keep whispering to myself. I calm down as much as I can. Yes, everything is going to be okay... I have to believe that so that I don't lapse into total collapse, so that I don't hate him with everything I have.

Maybe I just have to try harder. Maybe I have to save him from that something... And save myself too. We can go to a better place and have a better life than we'll ever have with these things behind us! I just need him to step out of his house, and I can save him... I can save both of us. And everything will truly be okay.

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[A/N]

So this might be a vent more than anything. Sorry that it's slightly messier and adopts a pseudo-stream of consciousness style.