Lightning Strikes Twice

Chapter 34: Change of Mind

I cling to Marsh as my seemingly endless crying and sobbing continues.

"Why.. why did I do that..?"

I start to squeeze him as I bury my head into his shoulder, feeling the harrowing weight of my actions as they make my heart sink deeper and deeper.

"I.. hurt him.. her son.. my nephew.. your friend.. how. How could I be so blind..?"

"Luxia.. putting yourself down isn't the solution here."

"Its what I deserve Marsh. And not just for Oro.. fuck.. Allison. I left her. I only focused on what could've happened if I let her through while Nexus was still there."

I pull my head up, out of his shoulder so I can look Marsh in the eyes. Those dark brown, sympathetic eyes of his. I sniffle as I feel another wave of tears fall.

"I let her brother die, Marsh. I let him die and now she's all alone with regret, grief, and hate. I.. I just put her through what I went through. I.. I did this."

I wipe my eyes so I can actually see what's infront of me. My arms, no, my whole body shakes as take my arms off from around him. I start to slowly reach out to his face so he knows what I'm doing. Once my shaky hands are on Marsh's face, I start crying harder.

"And especially.. what I did to you.. I don't understand why you're being so nice to me, after all I've put you through.. I mean, god.. I forced you into my bed.. had my hands on you for so long.. if you were with me any longer then.. then I might've.. m-might've-"

Marsh takes my hands off him before pulling me back into a hug.

"That's not what happened, don't say that, don't even think it. Come on, you of all people need someone to tell you  not worry over the what ifs?"

I pull away, just a bit so I can look at him. This still feels so strange. He's hugging me, he wants to on his own accord. For some reason.. this feels so much better and comforting than when I.. I just look at him feeling so confused.

"I still don't get it.. why are you giving me this support? This comfort?"

"I really need to break it down for you? You're hurting and I can see that, I see hurt and regret in your eyes. And I know what each has been like for me and what caused it. But that doesn't stop the fact that you need a hug, after all this has to be hurting as much as the things you told me."

"I just.."

I bury my face back into his shoulder, gripping onto Marsh tightly as I start to sob.

"I wish I could take it all back. I want to take it back. All of it."

As I keep sobbing, I feel Marsh rubbing and gently patting my back. Feeling him comfort me makes me gasp in shock. After everything he's-

"I'm here. Just let everything you need to get out, out. We got the whole month."

"Th-thank you Marsh. Thank you s-so much."

"Of course."

---

The soldiers arrive here at eight thirty. I'm required to be here by eight. And yet I've been in the guard's room since six. It is currently eight twenty eight. I feel exhausted, my eyes sting, and my eyelids are heavy. I did not sleep a single minute last night due to worry and I'm about to brief everyone on their assignments.