𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟-𝑐𝑟𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑

Be careful what you say

Abby's POV

For the past month, all I have been able to think about is what happened between Rafe and I in my apartment. He admitted he wanted to do... things to me and I just stood there like I was frozen. In all fairness, I was. I couldn't move.

Then he kissed me. Sort of. His lips brushed against mine, but I don't know if I could call it a kiss. I let him do it though. I fucking let him do that and I—I enjoyed it. I fucking liked it and when his lips left mine, it felt like a part of my lips were missing. Fuck, I don't know. I just feel weird. I have ever since that day.

He's been avoiding me ever since. I've seen him at the country club, the beach, Walmart, and a fuckload of other places but he's gone out of his way to ignore me. Luckily, he hasn't taken any drugs. I guess what I said did have some kind of effect on him. Barry won't give him any drugs, and neither will the woman who JJ gets his weed from. I had to pay the woman, but Barry did me this favor. He might be a drug dealer but he's a good friend. The only other person on the island is Barry's boss who only sells to dealers so Rafe can't go there. With all the heat on him from the cops, he won't be stupid enough to risk it again.

But I'm worried he might turn to something else. Like alcohol which I know he can get. It isn't as bad as cocaine but when abused, it's still bad. I'm more worried about him hurting someone. When I was with him, he was okay. I have no idea why being with me made him hurt less but it did. Probably because I told him how to stop hurting less. The breathing and the water.

I shake my head, trying to stop thinking about it, and look out the window. JJ, Kie, John B, Sarah, Pope, and I are going to the bonfire where I'm certain I'll see Rafe. There's no point in trying to stop thinking about him when I'll be seeing him at the bonfire.

"What's up with you today?" JJ asks, nudging my shoulder. I shrug my shoulders. "Just tired. Loki kept me up all night," I lie. JJ smiles. "I love that dog. I miss him. You haven't let us come over in over a month." Because you came over literally two minutes after Rafe left that day.

"Here," JJ says, handing me a blunt. "This should help." I shake my head. I have to keep a clear head tonight. Usually, I would gladly accept it, but I can't tonight. Not if I'm going to talk to Rafe about what happened. He was probably just fucking with me, but on the off chance he wasn't, he needs to know it can never happen again. He beat up my friends, shot Sarah, tried to kill Sarah, robbed my friends, and framed John B; nearly killing John B in the process. He can't possibly think I would do anything with him after all of that. Not to mention, if my friends found out, they might resent me even if I make it clear that I didn't want it. I'm not about to risk all of my friendships for five minutes of fun with Rafe if Rafe even wants me like that, which is highly doubtful.

I'm going to keep a clear head, go to the bonfire, and talk to Rafe. I'll figure out why he said those things and kissed me and then go from there.

While I'm there, I should also try to sort out why I didn't want him to stop saying those things and why I wanted him to kiss me. The last thing I need is to feel attraction to a fucking murderer.

If it's just sexual attraction, then I can deal with that. Sex is sex and he's very attractive. If I'm attracted to him sexually, which I am, then there's no problem. All I have to do is not fuck him which should be easy enough.

However, if it's emotional attraction, I'm fucked. Feelings don't just vanish when you say vanish. They stay and the more you want them to go away, the stronger they become. As far as I know, I don't feel anything for Rafe, and I most likely won't ever, but I have to consider the possibility that I might in the future. After all, I fall for the worst type of men. Just look at what happened with Kai.