𝑆𝑡𝑎𝑟-𝑐𝑟𝑜𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑑

Scars

This chapter will contain some triggering elements so beware.

Abby's POV

I deserve this.

It was my fault. I shouldn't have trusted him. I trusted Kai and look where that got me. I believed I was worthy of love from my father. His throat was slit.

I believed I was worthy of Kai's love. He beat me, tortured me, raped me, and tried to kill me. I believed I was worthy of Rafe's love. He ripped my heart out and stomped on it as if I was nothing.

I deserve this. I was stupid. I was stupid enough to believe that I was worthy of someone's love. That I deserved to be loved. I allowed myself to believe these things because I was naive.

Now I know. I don't. I don't deserve anyone's love. I don't deserve any of it. I don't deserve to live.

As I drag the razor blade across my wrist, the tears begin to slow. My blood mixes with the water from the shower as I drag the razor blade from the top of my wrist down to my elbow. Crimson spills out of my pale skin as the blade cuts through my skin like butter.

The pain feels amazing.

I tried this with Kai, but I failed because Kai came home. I won't fail this time because nobody knows I'm here. I won't fail.

I look at the notes on the counter that I wrote to everyone I love as I drag the razor blade down my wrist. I smile, knowing that they will never have to deal with me again. JJ, Pope, Kiara, and John B looked at me like I was nothing at the party. Worse than nothing. They knew I wasn't worthy of their love, and they were right. So, I'm freeing them from me. Sarah was the only one who didn't look at me like that. Just with disappointment. But she knows it too. Deep down she knows I am not worthy of her love. Any of their love.

I wrote a note to each of them. I wrote one to Pansy as well and one to Rafe. Rafe was the last note and it was when I was finally finished writing his note did I finally understand that my decision to end it was the right one. I don't blame Rafe in my note. It's not his fault. A part of me always knew that I deserved to die. He just helped me see it.

I switch to my left wrist, dragging the blood-covered blade down it, following the same scar that I made before when I did this with Kai.

When I tried to kill myself with Kai, it was because of selfish reasons. That's why it didn't work. Because I was killing myself to get away from him. From pain. It was a selfish reason and that's why it didn't work. But now, I'm doing it for them. For the pogues. For Pansy. For Rafe. I'm doing it so they don't have to deal with me. It will work this time because I'm not being selfish. It will work this time because I know that I am not worthy of their love—of life.

The pain I felt earlier tonight begins to dissolve as my blood pours into the shower. Instead, it is replaced by bliss I have never felt before. A feeling that makes a large smile stretch across my face. I'll be free. They will be free. Free to love and live.

Without me.

My wrists fall to my sides, the blood pouring out of them and mixing with the running water from the shower. The water falling from the showerhead shimmers and begins to slow as if I were high. It's euphoric.

The last thing I see before darkness takes me is the crystalized water falling onto my skin.

Pansy's POV

As I walk into the apartment, I hear the shower running. "Hey, Abby. I'm back," I yell, setting my purse down on one of the stools at the island. I set down the birthday cake I bought on the island and grab a butcher knife from the butcher block on the marble counter next to the stove.