Damaged Hearts

55-Liv

Alex

Today's the funeral. 

I don't think I could have ever prepared for this day. 

Currently I sit on my bed trying to tie this fucking tie. 

Liv always did this for me. 

"Fuck." I curse as it gets stuck again. 

My door opens and Cora walks in. 

Her hair is in a pony tail and she's wearing a lavender dress.

Liv's favorite color.

When she sees my predicament she sighs, "Let me help you." She says walking up to me. 

I watch as she fixes my tie. 

"She always did this for me you know." I say and Cora's fingers fumble but she regains control. 

When she finishes she takes a step back and I stand. 

Reaching over on top of the dresser Cora hands me my emerald green suit jacket. 

"You're saying something right?" She asks and I nod. 

She smiles weakly, "Good, I'll meet you down stairs." She says before walking out of my room. 

Putting my jacket on I grab the bracelet Liv got me for Christmas, putting it on my wrist.

A tear escapes me but I quickly wipe it away.

Looking at the calendar I realize she would be eighteen tomorrow. 

"Alex we have to leave." My mom calls from down stairs. 

I quickly collect myself before leaving my room.

The car ride is filled with uncomfortable silence. 

Everyone is still walking on egg shells around me, waiting for me to break. 

The driver isn't long and before I know it we are at the cemetery. 

Her mom decided against a wake or open casket funeral. I don't think I could stomach seeing her.

The four of us get out and head over to where she will be buried. 

Her mom also wanted to keep it small, we were having a memorial after where everyone would get to attend.

Walking up I see her mom in a mustard yellow dress. 

Liv would laugh at knowing out of all the colors her mom chose fucking mustard yellow.

Ed and Martha are both in sea foam green.

When I see her dad there, all the anger I have inside me corses through my veins. 

It's not the fact that he's here. I knew he, Isabelle, and Rosie would be here. 

It's the fact that they are all wearing black. Did they not read the fucking card?

The only thing keeping me from tearing him a new one is knowing that Liv wouldn't want that. 

I give him a look that says just that. 

The officiant says the prayers and we each take turns throwing dirt on the coffin. 

I place a single daisy on top and it's lowered.

In another lifetime, I say to myself. 

When we get to the memorial I am greeted by Ben and Willy.