A Feather Quill And A Thin Line.

A Crush. A Cut. (Chapter 4)

I. Y/N L/N. Have a crush. On severus snape. It's been a week since we made the love potion.. I know those scents were his. It was the same scent on his sheets. I dont know how I'm going to tell him.. I'm in my room after cerfue drawing up more pictures of snape as I blush thinking about him.. I.. I dont know what he'll think when I tell him but. I hope he feels the same. I sigh and I get an idea on how to tell him I start to write down my feelings about him on paper. Once I finish I leave my room making my way to his classroom and I go in. I go to the painting but before I could knock I heard voices. It sounded like snape and there were two other poeple. A man and a woman by the sound of it but I couldnt make out what they were saying. Maybe now isnt a good time.. I start to leave but the floor beneath me let's out a creak that cut through the silence. I heard the poeple inside stop talking.. shit.. The door opens and I get pulled in harshly and a wand pointed at my neck I look and see Beatrice haywood. And Lucius malfoy. What's a wanted criminal doing with Mr Malfoy? And why are they here!? "Seems like we got ourselves a snoop" Beatrice hissed as she kept her hand gripped tightly around my wrist thankfully she had my sleeve with it but it still hurt like hell "well!? You got anything to say snoop" she almost shouts. I look over at snape. Frightened and confused as to why their in his lounge. "How much did ya hear?" Lucius asked. I was too frightened to speak as I had looked over at them. "He asked you a bloody question!" Beatrice was going to continue but snape cut her off. "Shes mute you dim wit." He didnt look concerned at all.. does he not care what happens to me?.. is he.. is he one of them?.. beatrice let's go of my arm and I hide it behind my other as I feel the blood start.. "you ain't gonna tell a soul huh. Cause ya cant!" She laughs at her statement but then fallows up with "if ya do we'll kill ya!" Lucius stops her and whispers something into her ear. She goes to his fireplace and foo's away lucius then says something to snape before flipping his robe and fooing as well. I stayed close to the wall and I hold my wrist snape takes a few steps to me and i watch him.. I.. I dont know what to think.. "I'm not gonna hurt you Y/N" snape said softly. I.. I could see a bit of sorrow in his eyes.. He holds out his hand. I take it he leads me to the couch and I sit down. He starts making some tea without asking if I wanted any. When he was done he comes over and hands me a cup. "I. I didnt want to have to tell you this but. I must so you dont freak out. Yes I.. am a servant to the dark lord.. but I. I am not truly on his side. I'm being a spy for Dumbledore. To help us take him down.." I look down at my tea. "Were.. you concerned about me?.." he looks at me a but shocked that I would ask that. "Of course I was. I couldnt show it cause I had to stay in character." I look away and was surprised when he hugs me. "Of course I was worried."

A bit of time had passed. I had to go back to my dorm and I sit in my bed. I lost my letter.. I hope no one finds it that's not snape. Or knows that I wrote it. I pull up my sleeve seeing some of my cuts had opened.. I put a bandage on it hoping it stops in the morning..

I stay seated as everyone gets up and gets their stuff. Snape had asked me to stay after class. I pondered why as tthe last student leaves the classroom. Snape was at his desk and motioned to the desk up front. I got up and moved up the front desk in front of him. "Um you had left behind something last night and I thought I'd return it to you. He gives me a folded piece of paper and I open it. It was my letter. I started to think. Did he read it? Does he feel the same? Or did he not read it but how did he know it was mine is my handwriting that bad- did he read it and doesnt feel the same way so hes just giving it back as a rejection? "Hogwarts to Y/N" I blink out of my thoughts and look back up at him "y-yes sir?" He ponders for a second and says. "Its a love letter isnt it?" I blush a bit and nod. "You really shouldnt waste your time with this stuff Y/N your a very smart girl and you should be focused on your grades if you want to go anywhere." He had looked away from me while he was talking. "Proffesor?.." I finnaly speak. "What." I swallow some spit and I look down at the letter. "It.. was.. for you." He looks over at me his dark eyes narrowing at me. "Y/N that is very inappropriate. Let alone against school rules." He scowls. Does that mean he likes me back? I look down at the page. "Besides your not old enough to understand this stuff" I cut him off by saying "pinewood.. old books.. whiskey and rain.... that's what I smelled in the love potion... no one here is old enough to drink. And no one is as close.. or dear to me as you.." he sits there as I look up. "What did you smell?.." he looks away as he says "that's none of your concern." I hold the paper in my hands tighter as if I didnt hold onto it.. it would disappear. I thought he cared.. I thought he.. "oh.. well.. I'm sorry I bothered you sir.." I get up out of my seat and I pull out the book he lent to me and looked at it for a second before setting it on his desk.. I get my bag and I walk out of the classroom. Everyone is in the great hall.. eating. I walk to the bathroom and close the door as the tears start to come.. I hold myself as they fall to the ground.. I start to shake as the feeling comes.. I go into one of the stalls I close and lock the door. I pull out my razor then I pull up my sleeve gliding the blade across my skin the stinging pain and I suck in my breath as to not make a sound.. drops of blood his the tile as I make another cut. One for being so stupid. One for being so blind. One for getting attached. And one for being a fool. My arm is covered in blood. I hear some one enter the bathroom. Fuck- I stand up and I hear a gasp. They must have saw the puddle of blood. I pull my sleeve down as I hear her. Hermione. "Alohomora!" After she unlocked the door she swung it open. "Y/N! Where are you hurt!?" She grabs my arm and I hiss in pain yanking it away. "Let me see please.." I run past her running out of hogwarts. I didnt want to be here anymore. I didnt want to be anywhere. I just want to leave. I hear Hermione shout my name but I keep going I run into the forest I keep running until my legs gave out. I fall to the ground..