My Sweets

Fear Constricts my Heart

FEBRUARY 13

JESSA

Since the party last night, Bobby is terrified. So much so that I had to argue with him about letting me stay home with Junno and the dogs. He doesn't want me to leave his side, which I understand. What he doesn't know though is that the calls have intensified. I've lost track of how many times he has called today. It is giving me a lot of anxiety, but I am feeling a desperate need to escape. I want life to feel normal again. Life is weird right now and I can't take it. I just need normal. I'm desperate for it.

I cuddle up on the couch with Oscar curled up in a ball next to me. I watch Junno playing fetch with Louie in the backyard. My phone rings and I feel dread until I realize it's Bobby.

"Hey lover," I say to him.

"Hi Lass. I need you guys to come pick me up."

"Why?"

"Umm... Someone slashed my tires."

I jerk up, startling Oscar. "Do you think it was the stalker?"

"Probably. I don't know who else would do it. I've handed a copy of the security tapes over to the police. Hopefully this is his first mistake and we'll get a good picture of him."

"Why don't I just come get you and we can grab lunch?"

Silence on the other end. "I don't think that's a good idea, love. Just grab Junno and the three of us can get lunch."

"Bobby, as much as I love Junno, I wouldn't mind some alone time with you. Even if it's just a lunch date."

"I don't want you driving by yourself. We'll drop Junno back at home and I'll take you to lunch."

"Bobby, please."

"No."

"I'll be locked in the safety of my car. What can go wrong? I'll have Junno walk me out to the car and call you when I get close. I promise I won't get out of the car for any reason. It'll be fine."

"I just want you to get Junno and come pick me up, Jessa."

"I hear you, but I want to come alone. I'm tired of all this shit. I want to feel like things are normal before I go crazy. Honestly, what will happen? Nothing. I promise."

Silence.

Finally I hear a sharp exhale. "Fine, but I'm not happy about this. At all. Let me talk to Junno."

"Eek! I'll make it up to you, baby. Love you, Bobby," I say in a sing song voice. I'm so relieved for getting a bit of alone time.

He sighs, "You know I love you too, Lass." I hand Junno the phone and run upstairs to freshen up.

When I come back down, Junno walks me to the car and watches me drive away. I love that these boys work so hard to keep me safe. It's actually really nice to have a bit of alone time to myself. I can't even remember the last time I've been alone and I need this small amount of time for my sanity. I just feel like my world is growing smaller and closing in on me. I can't take it. Why does normal have to be so hard for me?

BOBBY

I stand out front greeting customers, waiting for Jessa to show up. I keep checking the time and I'm starting to get really anxious. She should be here by now. I'm sure she's fine. She's probably stuck in traffic or didn't leave right away. I call her cell and she doesn't answer. That brings fear to the pit of my stomach. I call Junno.

"Howdy, Bobster."

"When did Jessa leave? She's not here yet."

"That's strange. She should definitely be there by now."