stupid shit you don't want to read

The last title was too long and im not yoing it again but this is part 2

Am I a good person?

You don't know me well enough to decide that. Or maybe you do. If you do, what do you think? I'm not so sure. Actually, I do. I'm selfish and needy and clingy and dramatic and loud and sensitive and paranoid and overbearing and too much. Just too much bad and not enough good to tip the scale or even balance it. I'm not enough. I'm not a good person.

I act like I don't need anyone because I can take care of those who rely on me all by myself. But the truth is, without people needing me, I'm not anything. I don't have anything without someone there to help. To take care of. I need to feel needed, otherwise I start to detach. And that makes me the neediest of all, I guess.

I can't blame my parents. I'm too old for that excuse to work. And they aren't even that bad. They trued their best. I can't blame dumb boys or stupid teachers or creepy stepfathers or bad therapists. I'm the one who refused to make progress with any of it in therapy. Everyone is just trying their best. Everyone but me. Boring, bitter, whiny, spiteful, little me. I swear to god most of my problems would be nonexistent if I was funny.

I can't keep using people like this, that much I know. But it's so hard. I don't know how to feel important without it being to someone else. I don't know why I get so bored and restless of everyone and everything good that comes my way. I don't know how to be a good person.