stupid shit you don't want to read

Mumbo jumbo (hey thats a cool word too)

I want someone I can lay in the dark with
Someone to talk to until three am
Someone to share a comfortable silence with
Questions
Plans
Promises

I have someone I want to lay in the dark with
Someone who I talk to until three am
Someone who I share comfortable silences with
Rhetorical questions
Future plans
Forgotten promises

I had someone who doesn't like the dark
Someone who fell asleep during our one sided conversations at three am
Someone who makes me feel nervous in the silence we share
Unanswered questions
Impossible plans
Broken promises

I wanted someone I could lay in the dark with
It's not their fault I'm scared of the coat on my doorknob
I wanted someone to talk to until three am
It's not their fault I get lonely when I can't sleep
I wanted someone to share a comfortable silence with
It's not their fault I'm awkward and need constant reassurance that I'm not
Silent answers
Clear plans
Different promises

I was selfish
I was inconsiderate
I was uncomfortable in my own skin
No questions to be answered
No one to make plans with
No promises worth keeping

I still am these things, dear reader
To say that I'm only these things would be too generous
I'm still fawning over someone who doesn't give a damn about my fears or aches or pains
They're not a bad person
I'm just not a good one
Oh well.