Nothing I Can Say

Chapter Five

The booming voice is back. But this time it's quiet, low. It doesn't sound natural. It makes me feel uneasy.

"She just looks so helpless," the voice says. "Are you sure there isn't anything you can do, Nurse?

"The doctors have done all that is possible, Mr Bayley. All you can do, all we can do, is hope that she has enough fight in her to wake up soon. Footsteps as the kind voice walks away. Why so many footsteps? They always hurt my head.

"Can't you see what you're doing to your family, Isabella? Your friends? There was a nice girl in here a few days ago, and you made her very upset. You need to wake up. WAKE UP!" The voice is booming again. It's scary. I want to make it stop, make the pounding in my head stop. But I don't know how. Why is the booming voice so mad? A memory tugs in my mind: a name, a scene, information.

But I'm already falling back into the spell.

It is quiet. Peaceful.

I walked up the driveway and saw a suitcase taking up the hallway behind the open front door. Dad's suitcase. As if on cue, he came storming out, grabbing the suitcase on the way. He stomped to his car. He was going to leave. He'd left last night when Mum told us they were splitting up. It seemed like he'd just come back today to collect some things. He was serious about this.

I had managed to put my family problems out of my head all day, just focusing on friends and dance and Luke. But I couldn't ignore it now. And I wasn't going to let Dad get away without an explanation to me.

"Dad!" I yelled as he shut the boot. He turned, and he smiled when he saw me. Why was he smiling? Was he really so happy to be leaving?

He spotted the dance bag on my shoulder. "Working hard, I hope. My little dancer," he chuckled. I frowned. The last time he saw me dancing was when he came to my ballet class when I was five. He sat among the mothers of the other children, chatting and laughing. I thought he was the best father in the world.

"Dad, are you seriously leaving us here alone with Mum?"

"Well, it's not working for us right now. Look, I know your mother is hopeless. Hey... why don't you come live with me? We can get a small flat, have some fun, we don't need to worry about looking after anyone else ever again!"

I was taken aback. Why was Dad being so nice to me? He was offering me a way out, out of all my responsibilities, a free life with him. But I couldn't just leave the rest of my family by themselves. Besides, I knew what Dad would be like as soon as I did something even slightly wrong.

He was still going on about the flat. "It will be great, Iz. Just the three of us."

"Hold on, three? Is Zoe coming too? Or Ollie? Alesha?"

"Well, no. Actually, my friend Kate."

My eyes widened. "Kate, as in... Kate your assistant?"

He beamed. "I knew you would remember her! You two are going to be great friends."

Dad, living with another woman. His 'friend'. Yeah, right.

"I can't believe you would do this, Dad! You are the one ripping the family apart. I can't believe I ever loved you!" Tears filled my eyes and I turned and raced through the front door, up the stairs. If I went into my room, or the lounge, or the kitchen, I would immediately be harassed by at least one person. So I slammed the door of the bathroom behind me.

Dad came home late almost every day. He said he was at work, that his boss was making him stay longer. I remember the fights with Mum, the screams, the slap. Maybe it was her hitting him. Well, he deserved it. Why did I not see the signs earlier? Now that I thought about it, it was so obvious. I can't believe I was so stupid! I spent all day at dance, trying to ignore how messed up my family was. They ruined every day for me. Well, I wasn't going to let them ruin today. I remembered the feeling of Luke's lips on mine, the way he took my hand and walked me to the bus stop, how he told me about our date tomorrow night. I wasn't going to let my family ruin that, either.

I held my head high as I made my way to my room and changed out of my dance clothes. I turned and saw Alesha sitting on her bed, sketching.

"What are you doing home?"

"Someone had to look after Zoe and Ollie while you were at dance. And I knew Mum would be hopeless today," she sighed.

"Thank you," I said. Maybe Dad leaving would mean Alesha might help with the family more. I could only hope.

As if she read my thoughts, she said "This isn't going to be a regular occurrence, you know. I have a life."

"Okay, but... could you maybe look after them tomorrow night? Please?"

"What's happening tomorrow night? You never go out in the evenings. You always say that you need to look after the family."

"I know, but... this is a special occasion."

Alesha put her pencil down and turned to me. Her eyes were telling me to go on.

"Okay, well... I've been asked out on a date by this guy I really like, and it would mean so much to me if you were to help with Zoe and Ollie, because I'm so excited to go out with Luke and I really, really want it to go well!"

She rolled her eyes. "A date. Doesn't this Luke go to your dance school? Is that how you know him?"

"Yes."

"Well, why can't you spend time with them there?"

"Alesha, please."

"Okay! Fine! But just this once."

I grin and leave the room to check on Zoe and Ollie, who were downstairs. I was so excited!