Nothing I Can Say

Chapter Thirteen

"Jess? It's Jen. Is Emily with you? Good. I know you two haven't been to see Bella in a while- what? No, no, it's totally okay, I understand. I'm just calling to ask if you can come in soon. She's been showing signs that she's waking up, and even though the nurses aren't believing us, I know she's in there. I just think, maybe if you two could come in... Yes... Okay... Yes, that would be great, thanks Jess. I'll see you soon."

It's still dark down here. How am I supposed to get out if I can't find my way?

I'm getting closer, but it's taking too long. I don't have much time left. I need to go faster.

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. One, two, three..." Miss Eliza kept the count as we marked our group dance. We had two hours until we go on, and were going through it yet again.

We had changed the dance so it began with the duet between me and Luke. The song was Wonderland by Taylor Swift, one of my favourites. Our dance told the story of a girl and a boy who found this beautiful, magical land, but they could not stay. They got separated, and the girl (me), had to find her way back to the boy (Luke), and had to find her way back to the world they came from – but she could not. Eventually, right as she's about to give up, the boy finds her. Together, they reunite the two worlds. Cliché, I know, but the story and message would come across quite clearly. My solo was during the bridge when the girl is feeling the most lost and alone. Then Luke finds me, and the others join us.

Rosanne always had her eyes on me during my solo section. Everyone was offstage during the bridge, but she and Seb did some leaps across the stage while I was turning to add to the build. I could feel her icy stare on me as I moved, but I always tried to ignore it. I knew she resented me purely for having the solo, but there was nothing I could do about it. Miss Eliza had chosen me.

"... Never worse... wonderla-and. Good. You're all going to kill it, I know!" Miss Eliza clapped. We were only marking, but I think going over it again reassured her that we knew what we were doing. "Okay, I'm going to give you the rest of the time until we go on to get ready. Warm up, stretch, keep calm. You know this dance amazingly well. I'll be in to see you a little bit before we need to leave to go on."

We nodded and Benny led the way to our dressing room. For some reason, I wasn't hugely nervous just yet. I did know what I was doing, and I was excited to perform again.

The boys went to the bathroom to change, giving us girls some privacy before we all began painting our faces.

"How are we doing, everyone?" I asked, pulling my track pants off.

"I'm so nervous, Bella. I know we are going to be fine, but... but..." Emily had suffered with pretty bad nerves every time we performed for as long as I could remember.

Rosanne sighed and looked up from where she had been rummaging in her bag. "Haven't you been doing this for years? You should be over stage fright by now."

I frowned at her as Emily's lower lip wobbled. I had to shut this off before she became a blubbering mess. "Emily, look at me. Have a drink of water, put your headphones in – doesn't that usually help? We've done this competition last year, the year before. We are going to be completely fine."

Emily took a deep breath "Okay. Thanks, Bella."

I nodded, and then coughed as Amelie sprayed her deodorant. She just laughed.

Rosanne rolled her eyes, now changed, and sat down at the mirror to do her makeup.

The boys found us a few minutes later crowded around the mirrors in the dressing room. We were all fighting for the spot with the best lighting to do our makeup.

"Ya'll are crazy," Seb laughed.

"Yeah, like you are any better!" Jess retorted.

Seb rolled his eyes and shoved his way in between Amelie and Rosanne, which was not a good idea because a certain someone was in the middle of carefully applying a coat of bright red liquid lipstick.

"You idiot!" Rosanne shrieked. A wet line of ruby red coloured her cheek.

Seb jumped back and gasped. "Rosanne, I really didn't mean to-"

"Shut up, Seb. Now I need to reapply this whole section of my face!"

"I'm sor-"

"Get out of my way. Move!" Rosanne pushed her way out of the door, probably to the bathrooms to fix her makeup.

"Guys, I really didn't mean to do that," Seb pleaded.

Before any of us could reply, there was a soft knock on the door. Benny stepped out of the way to reveal a frowning stagehand. "Please be quiet, people are onstage."

"Sorry!" I whispered. It didn't reflect well on Summersnow if we broke the rules. But still, I didn't want to hold anything against Rosanne. We hadn't got the chance to properly talk yet, so I didn't want to make assumptions about her. I couldn't blame her for her outburst.

The rest of the two hours went by pretty quickly. Everyone was dressed and had finished hair and makeup after an hour, and most of us were either quietly chatting or listening to music through earphones. The energy was the nervous, excited energy there always was before a show, with people warming up and trying to calm their nerves. Rosanne had returned and was curled up in a corner on her phone.

Beside me, Luke groaned and rubbed his eye.

"Luke!" I groaned.

"I'm sorry! I'm just not used to having all this makeup on me!" he forced his hand away.

"You've been performing for years, shouldn't you be used to it by now?" Emily asked.

Luke shrugged, and I sighed. "Well, you've messed up your eyeliner. Here, I'll re-do it for you." I grabbed my black eyeliner pen and carefully outlined his eyes. Most of the troupe wore unique costume pieces to further the idea of Wonderland, except Luke, who was wearing baggy jeans and a shirt, and me, who was wearing a floaty blue dress and a flower crown – which Luke placed on me in the beginning of the dance.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as I lined his eyes.

"Honestly?" I leaned in so only he could hear. "I can't shake the feeling something is going to go terribly wrong."

He took my hand, and I found myself lost in his eyes. They were such a deep blue, like the ocean at night. "I'm sure it's just nerves, Bella. It's all going to be okay."

I nodded, but the feeling didn't go away.