Nothing I Can Say

Chapter Eighteen

I hear a soft knock and I put my tea down. My mother pokes her head around my door. "You have a visitor, Bella. Can I let her in?"

"Sure," I reply. It's been a few days since I came home, but my doctor has forbidden me from leaving my room. I have been sleeping a lot, but now I want to get out of the house.

My family are all being pretty nice to me, which is strange. Mum is a lot better with taking care of Ollie and Zoe, so they don't bother me much, but I do wish I saw them a little more. I'm used to spending all my free time with them.

Luke has been round as much as he can, but with school and dance, he doesn't have a lot of spare time. Troupe One obviously isn't working towards Nationals anymore, but Luke is focused on getting the team bond stronger and performing at a few low-key events. He told me Rosanne is still at Summersnow, but everyone is frosty towards her. Miss Eliza doesn't know why, but she is usually in her office anyway – she trusts Luke to lead the team.

Jess and Emily have been here a lot, and Seb came a few times. They tell me all the gossip I missed, at school and at Summersnow.

They should be at school right now, so I know my visitor won't be any of them. Right as I'm about to call out to Mum asking where they are, Miss Eliza glides in.

There's something a little different about her, like a weight dragging her shoulders down a little. I smile at her, and she sits down on the end of my bed. Alesha left her bed a right mess, so it's the only seat available.

"Hello, Isabella."

"Hey."

She shifts uncomfortably. Does it make her uneasy, seeing me like this? Helpless in bed, not able to leap and jump like I used to?

She clears her throat. "Your mother asked me to tell you the doctor called, and you can start going on some short walks outside, to begin regaining your strength."

The thought makes me happy, but I know she's holding back from me. "Is that all you came to tell me?"

She sighs. "No."

There is a long silence while I wait for her to continue. She sighs again, and then speaks. "I must say I'm sorry, Isabella. I've been putting off coming to see you, even though Lucas informed me you would really like to see me. I just... you're my most treasured dancer, Isabella, and I find it difficult seeing you so helpless. I know that it must be so hard for you."

I shrug. "It was pretty irritating at first, but I'm just glad to be back. I'm not finished in this world, and I'm so grateful to be given a second chance. It will take time for me to fully recover, but I will come back stronger than ever."

She smiles at that. "I know you will, my dear. But the truth is... Well, I know you see me as a second mother to you. And I must admit I haven't lived up to that much this season. I haven't checked up on you as often as I should have. It's my fault, I should have seen you were struggling. What with your parents splitting up, and you already have so much going on... I'm so sorry, Isabella."

I can't stop a small tear run down my left cheek. The past few months have really been hard, but I just kept pushing my problems away, pushing through. I should have gone to someone to talk, but I thought spending time with Luke and my friends was enough.

"It's okay, Miss Eliza. I know we've always had a close relationship, but I can't expect you to me there for me all the time. And it's partly my fault, for not reaching out when I should have."

She hugs me. "I have to ask, Isabella, do you know when you're able to get back to dance?"

I sigh, remembering the doctor's instructions. I was allowed to begin light exercise, but I need to really rebuild my strength before fully committing to dance. I will work as hard as I can, of course, but it will take time to get back to the physical point I was.