Nothing I Can Say

Chapter Nineteen

"Wow, that's... I'm glad Miss Eliza's going to deal with her," Luke says as we walk slowly down my street. We hold hands, and he constantly asks if I need to rest, but I feel great.

"Yeah. I just wish I didn't trust her so quickly. I always gave her the benefit of the doubt, but I should have just seen her for how she was."

"You can't help seeing the best in people, Bella. It's in your nature, what makes you so special."

We reach the playground. I sit on a swing and sigh, remembering our first date. "Do you remember when we ran past here, towards the forest? I felt so alive."

"Of course, I do. But you're not any less alive, Bella."

"I just can't wait until I'm properly better again."

"Well I'm going to be here, as long as it takes. I'll try my best to look after the team until you come back, stronger than ever. We're all here, waiting patiently."

He always knows just what to say to comfort me. One of the reasons why I love him so much.

"Hey, how are you and your parents?"

He grins. "I've actually been waiting to tell you. Before you woke up, I was stress cooking a lot. When I wasn't at school or dance or the hospital, I was in the kitchen. One day, my dad noticed the number of containers full of leftover food in the freezer, and actually talked to my mother, that he was worried about what was going on with me. Then they sat me down, and I told them... I told them everything, Bella. About you, about dance, about the stress... and they were there for me. Now we are the closest we've been since Charlie died."

I smile brightly at him. "That's incredible, Luke! I'm so happy for you!"

He grins. "Thanks Bella."

We swing softly for a while, our feet never leaving the ground. I stare at the afternoon sun setting, the blossom that falls gracefully into our hair.

"I don't want to put this the wrong way, but... I think my fall happened for good, in a few ways."

He looks at me.

"I mean, obviously we didn't win Nationals, and it put me and my friends and family through so much, but it also brought me and my mother and my siblings closer together, and you and your parents, and my friends, and it made me realise my father and Rosanne for who they truly are."

He doesn't say anything for a moment. "Yeah, I guess you're right. It was bad for a while there, but looking at it now... things are good, aren't they?"

I begin to swing higher. Slowly but surely, swinging higher and higher. I'm not dizzy, I'm not too tired. My hair is blowing through the breeze, my eyes are watering from the wind, Luke is laughing beside me... I feel alive again.

A week later, I am cuddled up with Luke on the couch, under a blanket. West Side Story plays on the screen in front of us, and I can feel his heartbeat under my head.

A knock on the door startles us. Mum is in the kitchen preparing dinner and calls out to us to answer it. I reluctantly slide out of Luke's arms and open the door to reveal... Rosanne, biting her lip nervously.

I stand there for a few seconds, in shock.

"Well, can I come in, Isabella? It's raining out here and I just straightened my hair."

I lead her down the hallway. Why is she here? How can she face me, after what she did?

As soon as Luke sees us, his eyes go wide, and he jumps off the couch. "Um, I'm going to go see what Zoe and Ollie are doing, so... yeah." He gives me a quick kiss on the forehead and shoots upstairs.

Rosanne sits on the armchair across from me, and I pause the movie in the middle of 'I Feel Pretty'. Her eyes are tired and red and she isn't wearing makeup.

She taps her foot nervously. "I hope you're happy."

"I'm sorry?"

"Miss Eliza tracked me down and kicked me out of the studio. Said never to come near it again."

"Rosanne, from what I know, you haven't been back since you tripped me. You can't really be surprised.

She pauses. "So you know."

"Are you kidding me? Of course, I know! Rosanne, you put me into a coma!"

Her shoulders slump and she closes her eyes. "I thought I could come here, and you would have forgotten. You hit your head pretty hard. But I guess somebody saw and told you."

"Rosanne, I remember everything about my fall. I remember trying to communicate with you to turn away, I remember your determination to jump towards me, I remember you turning away after you tripped me, actually satisfied with yourself. I was conscious when you came to see me in the coma you put me in and admit it was your fault, and then you ran away again. So, I just have one question. Why did you do it?"

She is silent for a long time. And then, "I never meant for you to go into a coma. I know how dangerous they are. If you died, I would have been a murderer. I just wanted you to trip and fall.

"Well, you tripped me pretty hard, and I know you knew what you were doing."

She sighs. "Okay, yes. I knew. The truth is... I never really left Ashleybrooke. Well, I did, but only because I thought I would do better at Summersnow. I had done something last year, so I ran away. But then I got there, and you were there, and you were friends with everyone, and you got the duet and the solo and the boyfriend and you were still so nice and I was jealous, Isabella. Jealous of you. By that time, my old coach from Ashleybrooke had approached me and made me realise I was never going to fit in at Summersnow, my heart belonged at Ash. He offered me the chance to redeem myself for last year, and that was to sabotage your team during your performance so that Ash would win.

"I could have just pretended to forget the choreography or something like that, but I wanted to get you. Ever since I had arrived at Summersnow, I was intimidated by you. And you never seemed to be intimidated by me, no matter how hard I tried. I wanted to knock you down. You had a good chance at being the Female National, and I didn't want that to happen. I didn't mean to trip you as hard as I did, but I guess with all the anger I had, I did. As soon as I came off the stage, I knew I couldn't face everyone. I got my bags and got out of there before anyone could see me. After all that, Ashleybrooke didn't even win, and they also kicked me out for good because they found out you were in a coma.

"I had nowhere to dance, but I thought I was safe at least because nobody had told my parents. But then Miss Eliza called them, and I knew I was screwed. They are taking me away, out of town to start a new life. I guess it's best for all of us. But I wanted to see you before we leave tomorrow."

I take a deep breath. It's a lot to take in. But I can't say I'm all that surprised. I'm just glad to finally get the truth.

"Wow. I don't really know what to say. Thanks for finally being honest. But you treated us really badly, Rosanne. Not just the sabotage, but you were really rude ever since you came to Summersnow. I'm glad you're starting a new life, I truly hope this one will be better for you and the people you surround yourself with."

She sighs. "I hope you know I'm sorry, Isabella. For everything."

It's silent again until she says, "I heard you're allowed to go back and watch rehearsals soon."

"Yeah. Even if I'm not dancing yet, at least I can be there. And I'm going to get back to where I was as soon as I can. Stronger, even."

A flicker of a smile plays on her lips. "Well, if anyone can do it, it will be you, Isabella."

She stands, and I lead her to the door.

I open the door for her. "I'm sorry again," she says sadly, stepping out.

"Me too."

And she's gone.

I finally have the truth.

Rosanne isn't coming back.

I have my friends, my family back, and Luke.

I have relief.