Dear Melancholy || All Time Low ||

It Kind Of Feels Like Sabotage - Chapter Fourteen

Chapter title credit;

"The Irony Of Choking On A Lifesaver" - All Time Low

LEAH

"I think you deserve to know." I took a deep breath. "During my high school years, I isolated myself because I still missed Alex. I only talked to certain people.. one of those people were a dealer. I went to his party and tried some things. Much to my surprise, it numbed the pain. So I started using regularly. Drugs such as Heroin, pills, anything I could get my hands on. I worked so I could afford it myself. Every Monday after school I would go to his house, buy whatever there was and go to my house. One Monday my mum told me to get Emma after school. I thought 'well okay, she can just come with me, it's not a big deal' so I did just that. My dealer was known for being friendly, I didn't think nothing would happen. I told her not to tell mum and she said she wouldn't. She loved me and trusted me. I was her rock and she was the same to me."

I tried to keep my tears back.

"When I got to his house, he told me the drugs were in the next room which is where they always were. I told her to stay there and I would be right back. But when I did come back, she was gone and was he. I went back to my house and told my mum that she never came out of school. I know she didn't believe me but she went along with it anyway. She called the police and they started a search for her. A couple days later, they found her body next to a dumpster. I told my mum what really happened and she yelled at me saying that she knew I was a druggie and good for nothing. The morgue contacted her and said that they found several drugs in her system. They also said that she didn't die a peaceful death, that it was very painful according to what they were seeing. She was only eight years old and the bastard did unimaginable things to her. I promised to get clean for her and I did. But my parents never forgave me. The police found the dealer, he was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison for murder, rape, and drug possession."

I was bawling my eyes out by the time I finished. "It's all my fault Jack. If it wasn't for me she wouldn't be dead."

"No it's not." He pulled me into his side and rubbed my arm for comfort. "You didn't do it intentionally and you didn't know he would do that. He had a good reputation and seemed like a good guy but you should never let friendly faces fool you."

"You probably think the same as my mum." I wiped some tears away with my sleeve and stood up, starting to pace back and forth. "I shouldn't have told you, this'll change how you think of me. 'I wouldn't go with her alone anywhere, I'll probably die'."

"That's not what I think at all. It doesn't change anything. I'm glad you told me so I can help you get over the guilt."

"You're lying, you can't be okay with th-"

"I don't lie, Leah. Especially to you. And I am okay with it. You didn't know he would do something like that. Stop blaming yourself, please." He repeated himself.

I stopped pacing and covered my face with my hands. "Why did it have to be her? Why couldn't it have just been me?"

"Stop saying that." He stood up. "You're here for a reason, she was taken from you and your family for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. And what your feeling now is normal in the process of grieving. It might be taking you a little longer to accept it because you two were very close."

I let my hands fall back down to my sides and didn't say anything for a minute.

"You know, she always wanted to come here. Everyday she would come home from school and say 'today we learned about states and we talked about one named Maryland. I want to go to the big bay one day. It seems so nice'. It was so annoying but now that she's gone, it's like music to my ears. What I would give to hear it at least one more time from her."