Dear Melancholy || All Time Low ||

Staring Down A Loaded Gun - Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter title credit;
"Cemetery Drive" - My Chemical Romance

LEAH

On my way to Jack's hotel room, I started to feel bad for leaving Alex there alone but Jack's more important than pointlessly arguing with him about my feelings.

Just when I got to the correct door, the girl he left with came out of the room, which makes me nervous. I opened the door to see Jack sitting on the couch with his beer bottle. Right when he seen me, he stood up and walked over to me, then pulled me into a hug.

"What-"

"Nothing happened. I couldn't bring myself to do more then kiss." He cut me off.

I felt obligated to tell him that Alex kissed me and the worst part, I kissed him back.

"Jack, Alex kissed me and I kissed him back."

He stepped away from me, "Why? Why Alex?"

"I wanted to talk to him about our friendship." I said shamefully. "Maybe we should take a break from our relationship until you get your feelings together." He said barely above a whisper. "What? No, I have my feelings together." I defended. "If you did, you wouldn't have kissed him back." He had apparent pain in his voice. I know he's right so I just turned around and left.

I went outside and dug around in my purse to find my hidden cigarettes and lighter. I stopped smoking years ago but always kept some on me just in case something bad happened. If I didn't have any on hand back then, I would find someone to supply me with drugs. It was a vicious cycle.

I took one out of the pack and put it between my lips. Holding the lighter up to the cigarette, I started sparking it but someone came up to me and snatched it from out of my mouth.

"Do you really want to do that?"

I turned my head to see Alex standing there.

"Yeah, I do." I took another one out and lit it. "I never thought you'd be a smoker." He leaned against the wall. "You don't know my past." I avoided eye contact. "Then tell me." He said. "I was addicted to drugs. Emphasis on was. Every Monday I would go and get more." I explained. " How did you get sober?" He asked and I told him about Emma.

"I'm sorry."

Silence took over before he spoke again. "How about you stop killing your lungs and I'll take you to the gas station down the street to get some food in your stomach?"

I looked at him and sighed, "Fine."

"But before that, give me your cigarettes."

I didn't want to at first but eventually did, then we started to walk to the gas station.

"Sorry about everything back in the lounge." He awkwardly said. "It's fine." I shrugged. "Did you get to Jack before anything happened?" I know he's just trying to make conversation but I didn't want to talk about Jack right now.

"Yeah, but I'd prefer not to talk about it."

I think he got why I didn't want to because he grabbed my hand and held it firmly, but not in a romantic way, it was more in a friendly, comforting way.

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We sat in the lobby of the hotel eating our food and joking about stuff until about 1:40 AM.

"I know this isn't a good time but-"

"You want to know if I still love or like you." I cut him off and finished his sentence. "How did you know?" He asked. "Sometimes it's easy for me to tell what your thinking." I chuckled. "It's just.. when we kissed, I felt something. Like everything you told me about not having anymore feelings for me was a lie." He sounded embarassed.