You're dead to me

Chapter twenty: Underground

I stamp away and hear him following me.

"Where do you think you're going?". He asks. "I don't have to tell you anything, besides, that your nose is again in my business". I say over my shoulder and can still see the bulge in his pans.

"We are married, your business is my business and either way".

"Do we also share bed partners, because you let it seem like we share even our saliva".

"Didn't we already?".

I flash him my dark orbs as a warning. "I would never kiss you, the thought of you is enough, to get me vomiting on the floor". I hear his dark chuckle and step out the building, right inside my car. "We see us at the house". I shut the door. "It's still a home". He shouts. I roll down the window. "Maybe a home for you and your whores, but if you want me to consider as it such, than you have to turn everything in gold what my ass touched". I grin and speed out to the warehouse.

***

The door opens only if you are strong enough to push. I gasp and made it in the inside. No one comes down here, its a secretly build underground. Only me knows the way down here and how to open the door. It's a tricky system, if you want to say so. Besides, nothings in here is for people to see. It's me and my treasures that I have collected over the years.

Some personal things too, like my diary and very important notes, sketches and highly forbidden informations.

I hear my footstep hall from the dark blue stone. Throughout the winter and autumn times, it gets very wet down here. So that's why I keep all the papers in a golden box. It's not real gold, it got rusty and rustier along the time.

One of these days, I let myself fall back into old habits. If I need strength or courage, I come here and read my old diary. But I have other things to do now. I open a second door in the very back. If someone would see the things I have in here, they would probably think I'm a psychopath. I smile as I catch the things hanging down from the ceiling.

Everything secured in plastic bags, some of them are five years old and some of them new. I hug myself, the temperature has to be lower than -10 Celsius, to not get the flesh rotten. I walk down every captured body part.

My first kill was a girl.

It was myself, I had to sacrifice myself for me, not only that, but father needed to see that I was capable of the mafia. Mind, women aren't allowed in this business, except if they are better than some of the males. And here I am, sacrificed a pease of my own flesh, just to end up like this. In a fucking arranged marriage to keep me under control and own my temper. I spit down the floor, disgusted from myself and the decision that were made over my head. Like I was some kind of prey that they wanted.

My second real kill was a boy named Eden. He used to play with me all the time when we were kids. I think we were more than friends and he was my first love. But father said I needed to end this feeling and by ending he meant kill, not only the flutter heart, but also the body that comes with. I had to kill my first love, because father said it was how life goes on.

Kill, or to be killed.

That very night I stabbed him and left him on the ground, suffocating on his own blood that rippled down his open chest. I almost wanted to take his heart too, because I didn't want him to love anyone else. But then my silly me remembered ,that he's gonna die. 

Die die die. I left my love dying on the floor, dying under my hand. I'm such a peace of shit.

Like my father had never loved me, but he did. He did it all his life, until I turned into the heartless monster, who keeps hurting not only victims, but innocent people and my family. I was once my fathers pride and joy, my mothers little baby girl and Theresias best friend. But that has been buried, since the day I had to cut myself for the business.

Father continued on loving me, because since Theresia refused to accept the mafia in her life, he thought he succeeded in at least one of his children. Theresia on the other hand, turned her back at me, as I did it in front of their eyes. She told me that this wouldn't be forever and I will turn into I something much more dangerous, than the word could describe. Back then I thought that this is what I wanted, but now I know that I have killed the girl inside of me and replaced it with a lethal darkness, that covers the spot where my heart should be.

I touch the plastic bag and run my fingers along the flesh.

My flesh, the spot at my back, a little bit lower than my shoulder. There is a mark, better a scar. You can still see the flesh that has been brutally cut out. I chose this spot because I thought it would be hidden most of the time. I was ashamed of the blood that dropped down my back, as I faced two mirrors to get a look on my back and cut it.

The flesh still looks like it has been cut a few days ago. I don't really know why I keep it in here. Maybe to have proof, maybe to still see a glimpse of the little girl, even if its just skin. I clear my throat and tear my eyes away. There is no time for sentimental things. I step out of the room and reach the table, where I hide the golden box.

"It has to be in here somewhere". I murmur to myself. Then I catch the similar feeling of the paper. I slip it out and hold it under the light. "There you are". The ink is still visible and with that, I leave the underground.