Velocity-> Jack Gilinsky

Chapter 39

SONGS: James Young- I'll Be Good and Sleeping At Last- Turning Pages

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One Week Later

*Jack's Pov*

I paced around the cold, kitchen floor, the alcohol coursing through my veins and taking its control of me. The house was dark and desolate, and sometimes I hated it because I let my thoughts get to me, which was exactly what was happening as of now.

I poured myself a seventh shot in a matter of an hour, downing it without hesitation. I wanted to forget; I wanted to not feel a thing.

I missed Elizabeth and Leo. I missed where I was in my life a year ago. I missed the times that my dad wasn't ashamed of his son, and the times that my mom and him were genuinely in love. God, we were so f*cked up as of now. And it was my fault.

Why was it that I ruined everything that was going good? I had no answer... Maybe because I wasn't used to it. Maybe because I was anxious for it to fall apart, and I always ended up destroying the good parts in my life. But now all I had was my broken self, and I didn't need anyone to tell me that I wasn't strong enough. I already knew I wasn't.

My head spun and my hands shook as I poured yet another glass of alcohol, slamming it down on the counter after finishing it.

Olivia. I missed her, too. I hated how attached I began to grow to her, and I was already wanting her even though we saw each other yesterday. I still couldn't believe she was mine, and I regretted times like these where I knew she would be absolutely heartbroken if she saw me all drunken like this. I had never felt so much love for someone like I did for Olivia, but how much longer could I go on feeling this way? I was shattered, and I hated depending on her to pick up my broken pieces and put them back together every time. It wasn't fair to her, and I didn't deserve such a person that was beautiful inside and out.

I stumbled up the stairs and into my bedroom, keeping contact with the walls for support. I felt so unbelievably disgusting and useless. I slammed the door closed, and instantly it was as if I was suffocating in everything I felt. Sorrow. Shame. Regret. Hate. Loneliness. I lost control, screaming while letting my hands tear up anything that once had meaning to me and throwing things off of the shelves that clung to my wall. It was as if I was watching myself do this; watching a monster. It was like those feelings were strangling me, squeezing my throat tighter and tighter, and I slowly slid down the wall, letting my cries come out for the first time in forever. I could feel my body slowly begin to shut down, but there was one more thing I wanted to do before it was too late.

I grabbed my phone with a bloody, torn up hand and searched for her number, bringing the phone to my ear.
"Olivia-"

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*Olivia's Pov*

I hurried through the frightening white hallways, the bright lights burning my crying eyes. I couldn't believe he hated himself so much. It was like I was watching Jack slowly and painfully morph into my very own father.

I reached his room, not even bothering to knock.

Sam. I was beyond surprised that he was here. I stayed fixed in the doorway as I watched Sam stand from the couch beside Jack's bed, enveloping him in a tight hug before coming my way. His eyes quickly met mine, but they soon returned to the floor as he squeezed past me and left the room, acting as if I wasn't there.

"He was dangerously close to having alcohol poisoning, which I assume you know is usually fatal," the fair-skinned nurse spoke to Mrs. Gilinsky. It was a few seconds later that she realized I was standing in the door way with a terrified look on my face.

"I'll leave you all," she added, exiting the room. Mrs. Gilinsky ran to me, wrapping me in her thin arms. I could feel her body shake as she cried, cradling me.

"Thank you. You nearly saved him," she cried before turning away from me and sitting in the chair near Jack's bed.

I took a few steps before our eyes met. He looked helpless as he lay weak, hooked up to a few machines. I came to his side, grabbing his hand in mine. The tears that pooled at the bottom of my eyes were now running down my face.

"I ruined our date," Jack weakly whispered, squeezing my hand tighter. He groaned in pain as he readjusted his body, laying on his side.

"You didn't ruin anything... Do you hear me? You didn't ruin-" I couldn't finish my words as the tears took over. Jack tugged on my arm, signaling for me to lay beside him. We sat in a comfortable silence until he spoke.

"Why did you tell my mom what I was doing, Liv? Why did you? I didn't want to be saved. I didn't want to," he pleaded as tears threatened to fall from his tired eyes. My heart was being shattered by the second as I watched his desperate cries.

"When I said I loved you, I absolutely meant it... Did you?" I watched as Jack parted his lips, nodding his head. "Then you wouldn't leave me like that, Jack."

I hid my face in the sheets, trying my best to muffle my sobs. "I don't want you to hurt like my dad... I don't want either of you to hurt."

"Shh, I'm still here, Liv... I'm still here."