Love, is not for us

#9 - But, how?

James

Tiara has been avoiding me for the last 2 weeks as she has been feeling under the weather. She said she prefers to be alone and refuse to meet anyone.

At first it was just light headed now apparently she has been vomitting too. This piece of information was relayed by my step bro. He had not seen her too but had been on his toes in case she gets worse. Apparently, Tiara is always like this when she's sick but promised her bestie to call him if she needs anything. I'm not fond of this but whatever. Since he has to work on-call this week he called me to be on stand-by too in case she gets worse.

She has been sick for too long so I decided to just go and check her out. As I have her key password, I stepped into her apartment without ringing the bell.

It's totally silent, probably she's asleep in her room. As I walked into her room, I saw her bed was unmade but she's nowhere to be seen. I noticed the bathroom door was slightly ajar and as I was about to knock the door, I heard a muffled sound. Is she crying?

"Baby? Are you okay?", I called her out.
Her face was flushed red and tears stricken. Her hair was in a messy bun. I reached out to her to wrap her tiny figure in my arms, sudden urge to relief her from whatever discomfort and sickness she's suffering, ready to punch anyone who might have hurt her.

But to my surprise, she backs off quickly and refuse my touch. She would usually crawl into my arms when she's sick or upset, what's going on here? Did I do something?

"What are you doing here?! I told everyone I wanted to be alone! You can't just use my key pass at your convenience!", she screamed in tears.

Ignoring her words, I grabbed her and locked her in my arms and slowly rub her back to calm her down. She resisted at first but after awhile she melt down into my arms and sobs into my chest.

"I'm scared...", she finally said.

"Scared of what, baby?"

"I-I've been feeling dizzy and the last few days I had been vomiting too. A-and... I noticed this morning that I..", she stops her sentence mid-way and tries to get away from me again.

I scooped her up and place her on her bathtub, I scoot down to be on her eye-level and looked into her eyes. I wiped her wet face with my hands and asks, "Tell me please. I'm not a mind reader, I can't help you if you refuse to tell me and keeps on running away. Whatever you're going through I'm sure we can find a solution so, please..".

"Can we, though? You're going to hate me, I'm sure.", she tries to deflect my eye contact.

I cupped her cheeks to maintain our eye contacts. "Why would I hate you? You're not a mind-reader too, how can you conclude that on you own."

"I realised that I've been missing my period. James, ever since we sleep together, I've only been on my period twice! I might-...be pregnant? I was about to do the test before you walked in. I'm scared James, I don't know what to do if I am..".

"But, how? We have been using protection.". I'm at lost of words and that's the first thing that I managed to say.

She frustratedly answers,"I don't know!! I don't know? Could it be it bursts or something I don't know..".

I took a deep breath and said,"I'm sorry for asking that. Let's not think of the Hows. We don't know yet if you're really pregnant, right? Do you have the tests?".

She nods and gaze towards the vanity top.

"Alright, let's do it. I'm here with you okay?", I tried to assure her although my heart is probably beating at alarming speed.

With trembling hands, I took the tests and read the instructions to help her with them.

I left the bathroom to give her privacy to pee on the sticks but made sure she didn't lock the door. Based on her track records, I'm sure she's still trying to find ways to runaway from me.

After few minutes, she came out with the sticks in her hand. There's 5 of them, I took them from her hands and arranged it on the bedside table.
"We have to wait up to 5 minutes, right?", I asked.

She nods weakly. This is going to be the longest 5 minutes in my- our life. I took her hands and lead her to sit on my lap. She nuzzles her nose in my neck while I slowly rub her back. Both of us stayed in silent.

After 5 minutes, I break the silence,"Want me to check it?". She nods to this.

I took a deep breath and reached out to the sticks.

Pregnant
Plus
Negative
Plus
Pregnant

I turned to her and saw her covering her face in her hands. "Baby, out of the 5 tests, 4 says you're...p-pregnant.".

She sobs into her hands and curled on the bed, I quickly jump on the bed to hug her. I don't know what's going to happen.

I've never thought of having any kids. Fuck, I hate attachments, this is why I never wanted to be in a relationship. I wish I can turn back the time, to before I met her in the club. I should just continue living an estranged life.

But deep inside, I know I can't and I don't want to leave her. For now, I'll just do what I need to do, be with her.