Moonset (GxG)

Fifteen - Moonset

''Miss Calli. I'm sorry, pero kailangan nyo pong sumama sa'kin. Pinapapunta ka po ng dad nyo sa hospital."

Parehas kaming natigilan ni Moon. I was about to ask Manong Alvin na ihatid kami, but I guess it has to wait. Automatically I felt something's wrong. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng kaba.

Tumingin ako kay Moon, gusto ko pa sana syang makasama. Naramdaman naman nito yung pag-aalinlangan ko kaya marahan itong ngumiti.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

I immediately nodded.

"Okay." Tumingin ito kay Manong Alvin. "O-okay lang po bang sumama ako?"

Ngumiti lang naman ito at tumango. Parehas kaming nakapwesto sa back seat ni Moon.

Kahit papano ay naiibsan naman yung kaba na nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung bakit kailangan ako ngayon sa hospital kung nasaan si mommy, but I'm praying that it's nothing serious.

Lumabas kami agad sa kotse nang makarating kami sa hospital. I was still wearing my gown kaya hindi talaga nakapagtataka na may napapatingin sa'min.

Nakasunod lang kami kay Manong Alvin. Gusto kong tanongin sya kung bakit urgent na pumunta ako dito at this hour but I don't have the courage to do so.

"Everything will be fine." She said with warm smile.

Naiiyak ako na ewan kaya niyakap naman ako nito. I hugged her back, not minding Manong Alvin's presence.

Pagkarating namin sa labas ng isang kwarto, agad namang lumabas si daddy na sobrang pula ang mata. He looked like he was crying for hours.

Once he saw me, he hugged me tightly, kaya nabitiwan ni Moon ang kamay ko. "Baby, I'm sorry."

"D-dad, what's happening? Where's mom?"

"S-she's inside. Calli, anak, before we go inside please forgive us for not telling you this sooner."

I couldn't talk so I just nodded. I'm trying hard to contain my tears because I want to show dad that I'm strong. Na sa mga oras na weak ang parents ko, I'd still be their strength.

"Moon, would you be okay here?" I asked.

She didn't look at me, naka focus lang sya sa sahig, but I saw her nodding. "D-dito nalang kita hihintayin."

Pumasok na ako agad na hindi nakasunod si dad. Alam kong sinabi ko na hindi ako iiyak, na mananatili akong matatag sa harap ng parents ko, that I'd be their strength. Pero kapag nandun ka na sa sitwasyon na makikita mo yung taong mahal mo na nakahiga sa hospital bed at napapalibutan ng kung anu-anong machines while fighting for her life, mapapaupo ka nalang sa sahig and cry your heart out.

When you thought you're living your best life, then suddenly life came knocking on your door with chaos, how do you really respond? How do you fight?

Sobrang bilis ng mga pangyayari. I'm not prepared for this. No one's ever prepared for this. Yung tipong nasa gitna ka ng isang lugar kung saan napapalibutan ka ng mga nagmamadaling mga tao. I felt like it happened so fast, like a blur.

You know what's make it more painful? Life is not fair, it won't be fair, it has never been fair, and it has to be you that needs to adjust, adapt, accept, and overcome everything life throws at you.

But how do you overcome a grief?

My mom died after my graduation. She didn't even wake up, not even once since my prom night, to say goodbye.

Hindi ko alam kung naririnig nya ako sa mga oras habang kinakausap ko sya, begging her to wake up, sinasabi ko kung gaano ko sya ka mahal, how my dad changed at halos di makausap, how everything was so painful. But one day, she just stopped breathing and left us, for good.

"Dad, will you be at home later?"

Andito kami ngayon sa sasakyan pauwi galing sa burial ni mommy. I was wearing a white dress while he's wearing all black.

He looked at me with sorrow in his eyes, "I'll be very busy for the following days baby. Can you handle yourself alone?"

You see, I haven't seen my dad shed a tear since my mom died, or atleast in front of us. But the devastation in his face was obvious and real. I could feel his pain. He just lost the love of his life and I couldn't even imagine how painful it was for him. He loved my mom for more than half of his life.

I just nodded and looked away.

Yes dad, because I got no choice but to be strong.

Alam kong hindi nya pinapakitang umiiyak sya, pero behind closed doors, he's been crying all night and day.

Gusto kong magreklamo na magpahinga muna sya, na wag munang bumalik sa trabaho and focus on me, on us, but that would be too selfish. If that's how my father wants to cope up with his loss, wala akong karapatang pigilan sya. Kahit pa parang pakiramdam kong hindi lang si mommy ang nawala sa'kin, but also my father.

Ayoko nalang ding ipakita sa kanya na I'm weak, kahit yung totoo, hindi ko pa alam kung saan ko huhugutin yung lakas ko.

I was left alone — broken, shattered to pieces, ruined, and hopeless— in the darkness thrice on that day.

One, left me for good. One, left me alone and in despair, and the other one, left me hanging when I needed her.