PUPPY

CHAPTER 10

He let out an annoyed sigh before running his fingers through his jet-black hair. He turned his back to me. "Leave," he suddenly said. For a moment, I could sense anger mixed with sadness in his voice.

"I'm not dumb! I know what you'll do if I leave. You'll send those pictures to everyone."

He didn't look at me when he said: "Just leave already."

"I don't fucking trust you that you'll let me leave just like that!"

"I already told you to leave. We are done!" he said before turning toward me and pointing at the door.

I pushed the rising feeling of guilt to the side and walked out of his apartment. With my chin held high, I stomped into my apartment. As I closed the door behind me, I fell to my knees.

I'm still alive.

I didn't imagine that he would take this so easily. I imagined him threatening me or even beating me up. Instead, he sounded hurt. I have to stop thinking about him. I got rid of him, and that's all that it matters. I'm free from him.

Today I'll finally be able to go on a date with Steve and not worry about Neil popping from around the corner.

~⭒< ☾ >⭒~

Slowly throughout the day, I got ready for the date with Steve. I really liked the outfit that I put together. Black stockings, a red A-line skirt and a black knitted sweater. For the finishing touches, I applied some makeup and a pair of silver earrings.

I feel like I'm a teenager again. Having all these butterflies flying around in my stomach and the sudden waves of excitement.

Early today, we agreed to meet in front of a restaurant called: 'Squirrel's tree'. I was already standing in front of it.

I was ten minutes early. I was looking left and right while waiting for Steve.

I'm so nervous.

I took a deep breath to calm myself down, but it didn't help.

Suddenly I heard someone calling me. I looked toward the voice to see Steve waving from the other side of the street.

The butterflies in my stomach started to fly again. I waved back and waited for him to come closer.

After he reached me, we exchanged a few small words and walked in. We sat down and ordered some food and drinks.

We started talking, and I felt like I have known him my whole life. We spoke about various topics. His blue eyes are like beautiful blue crystals.

It was pretty late, and I was starting to feel dizzy. We drank so much, and Steve still kept ordering drinks. I forgot how good it feels to be drunk. You gain confidence, and words roll easier down your tongue.

With every drink, I found Steve more and more perfect. By how this date is going I can be sure that he'll ask me out again, or maybe I'll ask him.

My head started to spin, and my vision was getting blurry.

"I need to catch some air," I said while supporting my head with one hand.

He smiled at me and sweetly said: "Just wait here for a moment." I watched him stand up and walk away. After some time, he came back. "Let's go."

"What about the bill?" I asked as I slowly stood up, supporting myself on him.

"I took care of it," he replied.

He is such a nice guy.

He even paid for everything.

Where was he all my life?

We made our way out and sat on a bench while we were waiting for a taxi to drive by.

I hope that we kiss, or maybe that would be too early. I don't want to come on like I'm only here for this.

"Do you want to do it at your place or mine?" he said while checking his phone.

I looked at him in confusion and asked: "What are you talking about?"

He looked at me as if I said something stupid. "Where are we gonna' hook up?"

"Hook up?" I said while scanning his face for answers.

What the fuck!?

He let out an annoyed sigh. "Yeah, yeah. Why did you think that I took you on a date?"

I was still confused. "What do you mean?"

Who is this?

He rolled his eyes at my words. "Jesus, Amalia. What did you think would happen? I'm pinned up and you're an easy target. And to be real I already have a girlfriend back home."

I instantly sobered up. I forgot that Steve is an exchange teacher, and he has his own life back home. I felt so stupid for even imagining anything, to begin with.

He's a fucking liar. All his compliments were all lies.

He's the same as all the other men that I went on date with.

That wasn't enough for him, and he continued: "I mean, you're an easy girl. A few sweet words and you're already head over heels for someone. You're helpless for attention." He let out another sigh before laughing at me. "Fuck! I wasted so much time and money on you. And now what I got?! Nothing! Fucking fat bitch!!"

Tears started forming in my eyes. He's right.

I turned toward the street. To my luck, a taxi appeared out of nowhere. I hopped into it and got home.

I just ran away.

I kicked the heels off my feet when I entered the apartment. Tears wouldn't stop pouring down my cheeks. As I was about to step forward, I fell to my knees.

I hate these feelings. I feel like something is squishing my heart. My head is buzzing and I can't catch my breath. I want this to end.

I thought that I got over all of the things that my mother injected into my head when I was young, but I guess I was wrong. 'You made a mistake! That isn't even a surprise, you're a mistake after all!' I could hear my mother's words resonate through my mind.

I'm ugly.

I'm fat.

I'm stupid.

I'm worthless.

I'm useless.

I'm nothing.

I should just die.

What my mother kept saying to me is all true.

Why do I keep struggling when the result is always the same?

I stood up and stumbled to the kitchen.

I need to end this.

I picked up a big knife from the knife holder. I put it on my wrist. Everything will be over soon. I just have to pull the knife. One more cut and everything will change for good.

I'll finally stop being in the way!