Dirty Secret (COMPLETED)

CHAPTER 39

Mama

I was mindlessly walking. Maaga pa naman kaya hindi nakakapagtakang marami-rami rin ang mga tao sa paligid. May ilan pang napapatingin sa akin pero hindi ko nalang pinagtutuunan ng pansin.

Ito ang una kong paglabas sa nakalipas na dalawang buwan. The place felts like I am in paradise, in all honesty. Nasa isang compound ang bahay nila tita, almost every house has the same structure. Though, mukhang mas malaki ang espasyo ng mansyon nila tita Abigail.

May mga puno sa paligid, hindi puro bahay o gusali. May mga bulaklak din akong napapansin sa tuwing napapadaan ako sa gate ng kani-kani lang bahay. Which reminds me of them...

My parents didn't open any topic involving them, or maybe they're still talking about them only when I'm not around.

Tita Clarries and tito Emmanuel was like a parents to me. Alam kong mabubuti silang tao, my almost half year living with them is enough for me to conclude that they are. I am hoping they could forgive me, at last..

Hindi kalayuan sa bahay, I saw a kids park. May basketball court din akong nakita kanina, also a coffee shop nearby.

I momentarily stop on my track. A memory flashed in my mind adding to the discomfort I am feeling. Naalala ko ang panahong dinala ako ni Drake sa park for the first time. That was when I agreed to fulfill the promises we had when we're young. Hindi ko alam kung natupad ba ang lahat ng 'yun since I don't remember any of it.

Nakakatuwa na unang beses din pala niyang magpunta doon, but boy! He has the nerve to bring me there, hindi man lang nagdalawang isip.

We also took a lot of pictures with the headband on our head. I remember his reaction when he wore the headband with stitch face. It was priceless, but all worth it.

I kept the photos we had, actually hinati namin sa dalawa 'yun. I don't know if he already thrown or burned his copies. Nadala ko pa nga dito yung akin, good thing tita Abigail brought my pouch when I left the mansion that night. Nasa loob nun ang mga litrato naming dalawa.

Mapait akong napangti. Parang kahapon lang ang lahat, napakabilis ng panahon...

I may just  himmissed so much, na kahit sa simpleng parke siya ang naalala ko.

I walked in the grassy pavillion. The park is not the enormous, just enough to accommodate the people living in the area. May mga bata ding naglalaro, they're parents were watching them on the other side.

I sighed. Nakaka-miss maging bata. Kung pwede lang ibalik ang panahon, mas gugustuhin ko pang maging bata na lang habang buhay. Free from pain, regrets and other misfortune. Problema ko nalang siguro ang aagaw sa candy ko.

I lowly chuckled. That's a silly idea.

From the corner, I saw a swing in between the acacia tree. Hindi pa ganoong kalaki ang puno, maayos din dahil dito napro-protektahan ang kung sino mang-uupo sa duyan laban sa sikat ng araw. Naglakad ako papunta doon bago napagdesisyunang maupo.

From then, I watched the kids from the distance. Mga nasa sampong bata ang naglalaro habang ang kanilang mga taga-bantay ay nakaupo sa bench. Ang iba ay naghahabulan habang ang iba ay nasa slide.

I wonder if Drake and I got to experience playing the same when we were kids?

May dumaang ice cream vendor kaya nagkumahog ang mga bata sa pagbili. Hindi ko alam na uso din pala ang pagbebenta sa daan ng ice cream, akala ko sa Pilipinas lang.

The kids run enjoyably, may isa pa ngang halos matapilok mabuti nalang at may lalaking tumulong dito.

Hindi mawala ang ngiti sa labi ko habang pinagmamasdan sila. I am really fond of kids, gusto kong magkaroon ng kapatid na maliit na pwedeng makalaro at pisilpisilin ang pisngi. Whereas, the heavens seemed to be against of my wish. Nahihirapan sila daddy na makabuo ulit, they've tried many times since I am determined and open on having a baby sister or brother. Palagi kong nakikita ang lungkot sa mata nila sa tuwing sinasabi ng OB ni mommy ang nagiging resulta ng test niya. It's fine though, kontento narin ako sa kanila.