My Diary WARNING contains angry and sad themes

Confused, Hurt

You know I don't even know what to write about anymore everyone is getting on my nerves...I finally realized that I have an eating disorder but i'm not telling anyone it's really embarrassing. I'm so sick and tired of hearing my dad say that I need professional help when I eat cake or something I don't even want to eat anymore and I don't have an appetite anymore. I'm so confused I don't know what's going on with my feelings anymore. I have a best friend and I think, no I know I like him I just cant admit it. I don't want to admit it to anyone and everyone keeps asking me "Are you sure you don't like him" I try to lie as best as possible. I don't know why I don't want to admit because well let's just say he has had the biggest crush on me for 4 years and told me he loved me...I know this and we have flirted and I feel like i'm loosing him he had to go to a different school this year so it's hard to talk to him. I need serious help I know know that I don't like the other dude and he is getting on my nerves now he keeps bringing up the kiss and won't stop flirting with me when he is dating my best friend. I don't know what to do there are so many guys that like me and call me pretty or amazing but I don't even know how to respond anymore. I don't know my feelings anymore and I feel so lonely and I'm tired of telling people that I don't like them like that. ITS JUST SO FRUSTRATING AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!