My Diary WARNING contains angry and sad themes

Selfish

I am so fucking tired of trying to make everyone happy. I am fucking killing myself trying to keep everyone in check and trying to be the perfect daughter I never have time for me anymore because then if I don't talk to people or hang out with them people think I don't care about them. I didn't get invited to a party.....That all my fucking friends went and I wasn't invited it felt like a stab in the heart because I freaking tried to always be there for them I even kept up with all their birthdays. And I'm so tired of my parents whenever they get mad they try to hurt me on purpose and saying things to me. The worst thing you can say to me is call me Selfish (it's a trigger word for me) because I try so so so so so hard to not be and I freaking kill myself thinking about other I never think of myself anymore. My parents know this and they do it anyways. My mom doesn't understand I try to balance so many things and it's hard, it doesn't help that she's always nagging me and nagging me about things I can only take a few information at a time or i'll forget and she always thinks its an excuse and that I don't care about anything. But if I quit on of the other people will think that i'm being selfish I can't help it I try so hard to please everyone it's killing me.