My Diary WARNING contains angry and sad themes

If I was gone

Im just so tired of everything. It's getting really really bad, i've never really gotten thoughts like these before especially cause I have a bf...... I never knew depression could get so bad and sometimes I really do wonder that if I ever went missing i or died would anyone really notice?? I don't think they would no one ever shows that they care about me. Whenever I miss a day from school no one texts me. No one asks for me. I feel so alone and I always ask for people when they are not there. But no whenever it's me no one does it. No one sees how much i'm struggling. Im just so tired of being there for everyone but no one giving a crap about me. Im having thoughts and they get worse and worse. I don't want to listen to it and I try ignoring it because I know that if I do something to myself at least my bf will notice. But the thing is he is not enough for me. I thought i wouldn't need anyone else except him but it's not working. I need other people in my life. I need good people but I can't even seem to find someone who shows to me they care. Im just so tired and feel so lonely. I don't know how much strength I have left honestly.