Help Me To Heal

How does that make you feel?

"You don't have to do this you know? You can change your mind" Bucky watched Lexie out of the corner of his eye, making sure to keep one eye on the road.

"I want to. I hate feeling like this, I hate being this way with you. It doesn't feel like it's me. I just want to feel like me again" Lexie sighed as she stared out of the window.

It had been a hard week. Things between Lexie and Bucky had been strained and awkward, poor Bucky had been trying everything to make amends, he had bought her flowers, he had apologised profusely, he had invited her to watch movies with him, he had cooked for her breakfast lunch and dinner every day, but nothing was working. She had taken to shutting herself away in her bedroom, doing god knows what. When she did come out her eyes were red and she had dark circles under them due to a lack of sleep. She had barely eaten, only managing a mouthful of food at dinner. Her body was always covered in an oversized sweater and joggers, but Bucky could see from her face that she was losing weight rapidly.
Bucky had barely slept either, he had taken to laying in bed at night with his bedroom door ajar in hopes that Lexie would come to him like she had before. He was wracked with guilt, and he had tried to apologise and explain on countless occasions but she never stayed out of her room long enough to hear him out.

They sat on the couch in the therapists office, with Dr Raynor looking at them over her glasses "So. Alexandria, it's a pleasure to meet you"

Lexie smiled weakly.

"James, how have you been this week?"

Bucky looked sadly at Lexie "OK I guess" he shrugged

"Alexandria, let's get straight in to it shall we? James tells me that you were in a relationship with Mr Rogers up until recently, would you like to tell me what your relationship with him was like?"

Lexie picked at the cuff of her sweater that was pulled down over her hands "it was good. Mostly."

"Could you elaborate on 'Mostly'? What makes you say that?"

"Well.. when I first met him I was young and confident and I fell hard and fast, but he was still in love with his ex and when I tried to make a move he rejected me and told me I wasn't her. I guess that just kind of stayed with me"

"That must have been painful to hear"

Lexie nodded "it broke me, my confidence was shattered and I retreated in on myself and moved away. After the blip Steve found me and said he regretted what he said and he wanted us to work, and I did too so I let him back in"

"Do you regret that?"

"No, I loved him and he loved me to some degree, but I always felt like I wasn't enough for him. I always felt like I was second best, I always knew he was still in love with her" Lexie stared down at her hands, not wanting to look either Bucky or the Dr in the eye.

Dr Raynor noted Lexie's body language, as well as how Bucky watched her every move, a sad expression on his face.

"And is that why he left? Did he go back to this woman?"

"Yes. She lives.. in another country and he found a way to go back to her and he did."

Her voice broke, she sounded so sad, so broken. Bucky so badly wanted to reach out and hold her hand.

"And this is when James started staying with you yes?"

"Mhm"

"And how has that been?"

Lexie looked at Bucky and sighed heavily "it's good" she mumbled

"Alexandria.." Dr Raynor set her pen down "I assume James hasn't told you, but I am very good at recognising lies. So I will ask you again, and I want you to answer me honestly. How has it been having James staying with you?"