Accept Me

Chapter Eighteen

HYUK JAE

Several hours after Lim Tan's phone call, as the night is nearing dawn, turning the sky dark purple and pale pink, I'm on his island being walked up a set of stone stairs leading up to his house. To avoid grabbing the soldier in front of me who's moving way too slow and throwing him out of my way so I can rush, I contemplate if I should purchase an island.

If I kept Kimi on an island she'd be a lot easier to protect.

And she's going to continue to need protection.

The soldier unlocks the door and walks me through the silent house and upstairs. He leads me to a closed door and waits while I work up the nerve to open the door.

Kimi is on the other side of this door.

My fiancée whom I repeatedly failed to keep safe is on the other side of this door.

That jackass Lim Tan has continually reminded me of these failures. I can't get it out of my mind even if I wanted to. Twenty feet from where I left her she was easily led away and taken from me. How do you keep someone safe under these circumstances? The scum in me wants to look into have Song Ah murdered. Just get rid of the problem in one fell swoop.

What if Kimi hadn't ended up with Lim Tan? What if Benji and Song Ah's predictions were correct and he was who he seemed like he probably was? Benji assured me that there was no way that Lim Tan hadn't fucked Kimi and there was no way she didn't want it and there was also no way Lim Tan hadn't just deposited her back on the mainland after the sex with no way home, that he'd never fall for a wild story like the one she'd have to tell to get him to help her. The Player Prince he called him. A practiced seducer.

Honestly? I don't care if they were together. I just don't care.

If sex was what she needed to stay sane until I could get her then that's what she needed and as long as she's alive and I'm taking her home then it's fine.

Of course, there's telling myself I'm okay with it and actually being faced with having to be okay with it.

Lim Tan says no, that it was tempting to try but he genuinely likes Kimi and it's clear she's not available. He doesn't say it's clear she loves me or it's clear she wants me back or it's clear she wants me to come get her as soon as possible, just that it's clear she's not available.

My heart breaks repeatedly lately.

You think your heart can just be broken and then it's broken and that's the end of the story, but you can break it into smaller and smaller and smaller pieces until it's just aching, bloody shards.

But those shards?

They can be ground into dust.

It can always get worse.

I'm scared now. The burden of further pain paralyses me. What if she doesn't want me here, what if she didn't want me to come get her, what if she would've wanted Lim Tan to try to take her from me...I think I might lose my last shred of humanity.

I suppose that might be good...revenge against the Kangs would be crueler than it has been. I could let the savage inside me that's screeching for release really have at it, it'd all be more enjoyable, there'd be no remorse or hurt, just the intense joy of witnessing their pain and desperation at my hands.

Vengeance thus far has been cursorily punitive, but has steadily gone from merely discourteous to wildly bitter and purely ruthless. It's still not enough.

I will continue to wreak havoc until the time comes when a Kang talks and no one stops to listen, no one is compelled, and everyone is repulsed. I want the repugnance I've started generating to turn into violent, contemptuous outrage, so that others actively seek to punish the Kangs even if they aren't sure why they feel compelled to do so.